


How To Save a Spider

by ElliotOrion



Series: The Spider Project [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brainwashing, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra Peter Parker, M/M, No Smut, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, peter is baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:41:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23937031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElliotOrion/pseuds/ElliotOrion
Summary: His name is Subject S-07 of the Spider Project, a Hydra program designed to raise an enhanced super soldier from infancy to create a perfectly obedient weapon to enact Hydra's will. Subject S-07 is the only infant to survive the program, all others dying after the multiple rounds of testing and injections to make them enhanced. They gave him the codename Spider. He has never known a life outside of Hydra.Until now.--Or - Peter is raised by Hydra as a new and improved super-assassin until he gets sent on a mission to kill the rogue Winter Soldier. During the mission, Peter's first heat starts and the Avengers arrive, thoroughly ruining the plan. He gets captured by the Avengers, except now... he's not so sure he wants to go back.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: The Spider Project [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725457
Comments: 89
Kudos: 883





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Murder I guess? This one is mostly backstory and set up so there is no real trigger warnings besides you know, assassin-y stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay folks, few things before we start. I know this is a bit long, but please please read it. 
> 
> 1\. Peter is 12 in this fic and he experiences his first heat. There is NO smut and NO sexual content. Let's just get that out there right away, okay? We do NOT do that in this good gay household.   
> 2\. Fuck timelines, I do what I want. Jarvis, Wanda, and Dr. Strange are here, but there was no Civil War or pretty much anything beyond then. Timelines are just generally fucked up and I didn't even bother trying to get it to line up in any coherent way. Basically, canon has been scavenged for good parts and left to die and it do just be like that. I think it's relatively nonconfusing, but if it is I apologize.   
> 3\. This series will have three parts. All three parts are already written. Posting schedule will be twice a week, on hopefully Tuesdays and Fridays. I'll do my best to keep to this as much as possible!  
> 4\. This first part is a bit of a doozy because Peter is first saved from Hydra. It's probably going to seem OOC but i fucked with the character backstories so much it was pretty much inevitable. I will put any specific TWs at the beginning of each chapter and a summary at the end, but please just be prepared for a lot of discussions of seriously inhumane things done to very young children. If you don't want to read this first part, there will be a general recap at the beginning of Part Two. BUT I can promise you, it is all 100% in the past, nothing is graphic, and this fic is 90% comfort and soft healing times.  
> 5\. Oh and Peter is referred to as Spider for the majority of this first part.
> 
> I think that covers it all.

The Spider Project was Hydra’s response to the many failures of the Winter Soldier Program. Far too many resources were being used to break unresponsive minds, imbed activation phrases, and destroy previous memories. The Soldiers needed to be wiped before and after every mission to insure complacency and kept on a strictly monitored rotation schedule so every one of them had the proper time in cryosleep. They were a challenge to control, and therefore were not worth Hydra’s valuable time.

The Winter Soldiers were decommissioned, save for the original one. The heralded Dr. Zola had made him, and Hydra would not destroy his work. In any case, the Soldier had experience training killers after his stint with the Widow Program. 

And so Hydra started anew in making their perfectly obedient weapon. They knew that starting with an adult was the wrong idea. They were never able to completely crush all memories or permanently foster obedience.

So they started with an infant. A child raised within Hydra would never know to question it. They could raise it to embrace their message, embrace killing, mold it as it grew into whatever they wanted it to be. It’d take time for them to fully grow, yes, but Hydra was nothing if not patient. 

The second change they made, was an entirely new serum. Attempting to create another Captain America was an unachievable, unrealistic goal. Hydra had to do better. Be better. They had to think beyond the scope of what had already been done. So they administered countless rounds of injections and experiments into their first subject trying to create the perfect balance for a perfect weapon. When that subject died, they tried again. And again. And again.

And then was Subject S-07. S-07 did not die. It survived every round of modifications to it’s body that were given over the next three years of it’s development. It was chemically perfect, and primed to only grow stronger. All that was left would be to train it, make it into the gun Hydra could point wherever it wanted, always knowing that it’d never leave their hand. 

If there was anything Hydra knew how to do well, it was how to make a weapon. 

\--

His name was Subject S-07, but everyone he knew called him Spider. Not that he knew many people, though, not really. He heard a lot of people, tracking technicians and scientists and soldiers through the compound that was his whole world. He’d see them too, when they took him out of his room for training or testing or missions. Technically though, he didn’t know them. The only people he knew were the Doctor, his Handler, and the Soldier. 

The Doctor had raised him. Her face was the first he could remember seeing, the first memory that he had. It was blurry from the curved glass of the unit he was kept in as a baby, but it was definitely her face. She’d always had those big purple glasses. She was the one who’d give him his nutritional IVs, who helped make him stronger, give him his precognition, made his healing so quick, who gave him everything he needed to be good for Hydra. He’d always liked the Doctor. 

Spider didn’t like his Handler as much as the Doctor, but he didn’t dislike him. His Handler gave him orders and rules and sent him on missions. If he did something wrong, then his Handler would punish him. He didn’t like punishments, but he knew they were necessary. He had to be good, and punishments insured he would be. The Doctor said he should say thank you for his punishments, so he did, every time. Usually before passing out. 

Spider’s favorite person was the Soldier, though. The Soldier trained him to fight. He trained him to kill, which meant he was useful to Hydra, and that was his only purpose. The Soldier could be scary, like when Spider was young and couldn’t beat him during sparring so he’d end up coughing up blood, or like when he got activated before they went on a mission. Spider had activation words too, but his Handler didn’t feel the need to activate him before missions after a while. 

But when Soldier was at the compound, he was kept in Spider’s room, since it was the only secure enough place in the compound for them. They didn’t talk, Spider had been ordered to never talk to the Soldier, but it was company. 

It started when Spider was four. The Soldier had come in to train him for the first time. Spider had already killed his first man two months prior, but even so, the Soldier looked so sad when he had to show Spider more effective ways to do so. When they were put back into his room, the Soldier held Spider’s hand. 

He’d never had anyone do that before. He’d never had someone touch him like that. It was so overwhelming, just having his hand held like that, and he’d started crying. The Soldier didn’t mention it, but every time they were kept together after, he’d hold Spider’s hand in his as Spider went to sleep. 

He’d also let Spider look at his arm. Spider knew how uncomfortable he got when maintenance was done on the arm, so he’d been careful asking. Even still he’d gotten his ribs broken the first two times he’d tried. But eventually, Soldier allowed him to look at the inner workings of the metal arm. 

Spider had fixed as much as he could with no tools. His fingers were burnt and bloody by the end, but he’d been able to make the arm just slightly less painful for Soldier.

That was when Hydra found out about his intellect. By five years old he’d built his first weapon for them. 

At six, he built his first webshooters, to aid in his missions. His Handler and the Doctor were so proud of him. He got to have real food for the first time then, a fruit cup from the Doctor’s lunch! He started throwing up right away, which got him slapped and the food taken away, but that was okay. He still remembers the sweetness on his tongue. He’d never tasted anything like that. 

His training progressed alongside his abilities in the lab. By six years old he could take down eight armed adult men. He first beat the Soldier during sparing when he was seven, and when he was eight he could do it regularly. That was when he went on his first mission. It was a success. By the time he was ten he was regularly going on missions, without the Soldier watching him.

Now, at twelve years old, he’s Hydra’s perfect soldier, and he’s going on his most important mission so far. 

To kill the last Winter Soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: This whole chapter is a general set up/summary so you should really just read it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the first chapter was mainly setup, here's another chapter! Enjoy!
> 
> TW: Brief suggestive language directed at a minor.

“Spider, do you know why you are being sent to kill the Soldier?” Spider’s Handler asked. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Why?”

“He’s a traitor to Hydra, sir.” Spider couldn’t keep the scowl out of his voice, though he certainly tried. But the thought of the man who he’d at one point harbored a shameful affection for, betraying Hydra, betraying all of them and everything they stood for? It made him sick. 

“You seem upset by this.” 

“He’s a traitor. Of course I am, sir.” Spider kept his gaze respectfully lowered, keeping his spine straight and his hands behind his back. He senses the punch before it lands, but he doesn’t move. 

“You are a weapon. You do not have emotions.” His Handler sounds bored. He probably is. This is a familiar scolding. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“The traitor was spotted in Lima, Peru six hours ago. Intel shows he likely has been there a while, so he should still be in the city. Your first objective is to locate the Solider. Following the completion of this objective, you are to kill the Soldier. You will be activated during this mission, and will be sent with an Alpha One squad team along with a Beta Two backup team.” 

Spider fights back a frown at that. Soldier is a dangerous target, yes, with a Level Six designation like Captain America and the Black Widow. But Spider is a Level Six himself, and has beaten Soldier countless times in sparring. Why would this mission need such high squads? And a backup team? Not to mention being activated. He hasn’t been activated for a mission since he was ten. 

“You’re to be in and out within two hours, with both mission objectives complete. There is a high likelihood that the Avengers will appear due to Captain America’s fascination with the Soldier. If they show, you are to evacuate immediately, whether the objectives have been completed or not. Do you understand your mission?” The Handler studies him with cold eyes. 

Spider keeps his face carefully neutral as he says, “Yes, sir.” But on the inside, his mind is racing. 

The Avengers will be there. He hasn’t faced off with them yet, especially not after Soldier defected when Captain America destroyed the Triskelion. His Handler didn’t dare send him their way, not when it’d risk losing him too. That was why he is being activated. To keep the risk low. 

There is no risk. Spider won’t defect. He has no reason to. Why would he betray the only home he’s ever known? The Doctor would be disappointed. His Handler would punish him. He doesn’t like punishments. 

“Good. Suit up. You’ll be activated on the flight there.” 

“Yes sir.” Spider bows his head slightly, before following one of the armed guards that escort him around to the Doctor’s lab. Anyone who’s seen him fight knows that a single armed, non-enhanced soldier could do nothing to control him, but having one makes the Secretary feel better. 

Did make him feel better. The Secretary died, murdered by Captain America in cold blood. Spider’s not sure who runs the compound now. Maybe his Handler? When he was younger, he thought it was his Handler who was in charge. It wasn’t until the Secretary came to visit one of his training sessions that he realized his Handler was just the one who kept him in line. 

Hydra’s been a mess since the Widow spilled their secrets to the world and the Avengers began picking off their bases. They don’t know about him, though.   
Maybe no one is in charge. It doesn’t matter though, not really. He goes where his Handler points him. That’s all. 

“Hello my little Spider,” the Doctor coos as he walks in. She speaks German, the Handler speaks in French, and when the two speak together it’s in English, so those are the three languages Spider is most fluent in. But he also knows 24 others, and can manage in a dozen more. He took to languages as easily as he took to mechanics. The Doctor was proud of him for that too. 

Spider doesn’t speak, just lowers his head as she comes up to him. She doesn’t like him speaking. She just likes talking to him as if he could. 

“Let’s go get your vitals taken, and then we’ll suit you up, okay?” She sits him down, petting his hair as she draws his blood, takes his blood pressure. When she comes back with the results though, she’s unhappy. He can smell her distaste. He’d never been able to do that before. 

“Your hormone levels are oddly heightened. You’re… you’re likely close to presenting. Do you hear that, little spider? I’m finally going to be able to run all those tests I’ve been dying to start since you were born. We are going to have so much fun once you get back.” The Doctor has a manic look in her eyes, giggles rising from her throat as she dances slightly. 

It scares him. 

“What’s… presenting?” He’s not supposed to speak. But he has to ask. 

“Oh… Well, you’ll see later, okay sweetheart? For now, let’s just get you off to Peru. And… don’t tell your Handler this, mkay? He’ll take you off the mission, but I want to see how this is going to turn out, don’t you?” She giggles again. 

He really doesn’t like that tone. 

Spider doesn’t say anything else though, just undress and climbs into the suit. The Doctor has to help him into it, as only another person can close and open it. He clips on his webshooters, much more advanced than the pathetic ones he’d made years ago, and a multitude of knives, guns, and backup web fluid. He even grabs a backup webshooter. The Avengers are likely to be there. It’s best to be prepared. 

The Doctor wraps her arms around his shoulders just as he’s leaving her lab. 

“Come back safely, little spider. We are going to have so much fun once you do.” Spider shivers. There’s a dirty tone to her voice that he hasn’t heard before, one that makes him want to bolt. He doesn’t. Just waits for her to let him go before walking away. 

In the jet to Peru, he has to sit on his hands to keep from clawing at the itchy place where she touched him.

All of him is itchy, really, the fabric of his suit even more grating then it normally is. His senses have always been strong, but for some reason, things are especially strong now. The jet’s engine makes him want to plug his ears and cry, the sweat stained seats, soaked with overlapping scents that he can’t name, make him want to vomit, and the - the heat… his skin is itchy, hot. 

He doesn’t mention it though. It’s just discomfort. That’s normal. It doesn’t matter.

“Spider. Are you ready?” His Handler pulls out the red and blue booklet. His manual. 

“Yes, sir.” No, no he isn’t. He never is. He never fights it, can’t, not really. If he resists he gets put in the chair, and the chair hurts so bad, and makes the Doctor so mad and he… no, he never resists it. 

He just hates it with every fiber of his being. 

“Bear. Web. Ferry,” his Handler starts reading off the words, slow and steady Russian rolling off his tongue in familiar sounds. Spider shudders. 

“Needle. Alley. Book.” The haze starts drifting across Spider’s eyes, muting everything. Quieting the heat and the prickles of pain and the onslaught of sensory input that’s been battering his brain since he saw the Doctor. 

“Suit. Blue.” He can’t help it. He can’t help trying to push back the gray fog rolling over him, drowning him. He flails in his mind, tries to find his way back, but he knows, he knows it’s a lost cause. 

“Venom.”

And just like that, he’s gone. 

“Ready to comply.” 

\-- 

Being activated doesn’t last that long. It’s why it’s better to have a weapon who doesn’t need the code. On average, it takes a half hour to forty five minutes before consciousness starts filtering back in, first starting as sensations, then thought, then awareness of the situation, which finally, quickly barrels into control. 

These steps can be skipped entirely if a suitable stimuli is introduced that knocks the subject immediately out of their activated state. The most common one is a heavy hit to the head, which subjects are trained to resist. Other, less common factors include a familiar or compatible scent, significant levels of distress, or an extremely loud noise. Hydra trains it’s subjects to be able to withstand as high a level of these factors as possible, however risk can never be completely eliminated. 

Hydra was many things. They controlled many things. 

But try as they might, they could not control biology. 

\-- 

Spider was knocked out of the comfortable haze of being activated, quite literally and quite suddenly. Apparently, he’d been slammed into a cement ground by a very determined metal fist. One propelled to have even more force by gravity dropping a metal suit like a literal iron balloon. 

Soldier’s arm does not have rockets. Spider had been working on it before he’d defected, but they never were installed, meaning… 

“Hey Robocop, you didn’t warn us about the other, other Winter Soldier here!” Iron Man, Tony Stark, growls into his coms. 

Spider doesn’t wait for the reply, just wraps his legs around the arm and uses his strength to throw Iron Man to the ground and get to his feet. He’d say he used his body weight, but that would be a lie. Since his strength was so enhanced already, Hydra never saw the need to bulk him up with muscle like they did with Soldier. 

He quickly takes in the situation. Soldier is down the street about six hundred feet, leaning on Captain America with his arm out of commission. Widow has two guns pointed at him, some form of a modified Glock that he’s got a feeling will hurt a lot more than normal. Her Widow bites are glowing and ready to fire too. The Hulk isn’t nearby, but he can hear the quiver of Hawkeye’s bow from above. The Black Falcon isn’t here currently, but he should expect him to make an appearance. Iron Man is already on his feet, repulsor beams glowing and ready to fire. 

As for his current state… it’s less than optimal. His head’s full of fog, though he’s not sure if it’s from the slam to the ground or something else. There’s a deep, stabbing pain in his stomach, different than a bullet wound or knife, but he couldn’t name what it actually is. He’s got a number of cuts from knives, a particularly deep one struggling to heal up on his shoulder, and a bullet wound in his thigh that would slow him down normally, though not stop him. 

The worst of it though, is the heat. He’s burning. Sweating almost through his black suit, which feels as though it’s suffocating him, trapping him in layers of Kevlar and fabric that must’ve been specifically made to be the itchiest thing alive. Every nerve ending is exploding in pain, everything is so damn loud, everything hurts and it’s all he can do to just keep standing, keep his knife in hand, keep standing. He just wants to curl up, try to ease these cramps, try to claw himself out of the suit even if he knows it can’t be taken off by him alone. 

He was ordered to retreat should the Avenger’s arrive, regardless of mission completion. But if he tries to swing away one of them will just cut the web, and if he tries to run down the road… well he’s not sure he could run right now. He certainly doesn’t have the strength to dodge any attacks. His knees are trembling so bad he has to lock them to keep upright. He needs to keep standing. 

Something’s wrong with his coms. There’s no Handler waiting to give him orders. 

He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t know what’s happening! He wants the Doctor. She knows what’s happening, he knows she does. She’ll tell him why he’s so hot.

“Cap, you scenting what I’m scenting?” Iron Man calls through his mask. 

“Yea. He’s in heat.” Heat? What’s heat? He’s hot, but that’s - that’s different than what the Captain said.

“He’s presenting. It’s his first one Stevie,” the Soldier whispers to the Captain. With every sound multiplied even more than normal, it sounds like a yell. 

“Shit. Can you get him to stand down?” Captain America gives him a look. He can’t tell what it is. His vision is too blurry. He needs to keep standing. It’s getting so hard though. 

His head’s so heavy…

“He won’t trust me Stevie. Not anymore.” Spider can hear the grief in the Soldier’s voice. Weapon’s aren’t supposed to have emotion. 

His orders were to pull out if the Avengers showed. These are the Avengers. He needs to leave. 

Spider fires a web at one of the buildings. It misses, a combination of a violently shaking hand and blurry vision. He stumbles from the force of it, so weak that just that barely-there push is enough to send him to the ground, gasping for air. Food steps thunder across the ground before a metal hand rests on his back. 

“Kid! Kid, you okay? Cap, somethings wrong. His heat scents all off, even for presenting.” Iron Man’s voice fades then, fragments of his rushed conversation with the Widow and Captain America drifting through. 

“...Distress…”

“...Chemical fuckery…” 

“...Serum…” 

“...Heat room at the Tower…”

His head’s pulled into a firm lap, his hand gripped tight in someone else's. His mask’s pulled off, a deliciously cool metal hand pushing back his sweaty bangs. 

“You’re going to be alright, Spider. No one’s going to hurt you. Just relax now. I’ll keep you safe…”

Spider drifts into a restless, painful sleep. 

It’s only later that he realizes its the first time Soldier’s spoken to to him in English.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Peter gets sent to kill Bucky, but his first heat starts. The Avengers arrive and take him to safety.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to see people enjoying this fic!! Thank you all for your lovely comments, they make me so so happy. This chapters a bit of a longer one, just a heads up, but it is good stuff. Also, Tony explaining sex ed to a twelve year old who's brainwashed by Hydra was genuinely the best thing I've ever had to write so I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
> 
> -
> 
> TW: panic attack, badly explained sex ed.
> 
> I can't remember if I already said this, but I'll do it again if I haven't. Just so I don't have to mention it every chapter, pretty much all chapters from here on will have mentions of some form of abuse. They are all brief, nongraphic, and in the past. There will also be multiple repeated elements of disordered eating. This is not an eating disorder but a physical problem Peter has to deal with since he was not given food with Hydra but was raised on nutritional supplements. His body never learned how to process physical food. Since it's such a complicated issue that takes a while to figure out, it features in many chapters. Essentially, if it's in the story tags, it's prominent and frequently mentioned and I'm not going to be tagging them in the chapter by chapter Trigger Warnings. I will include vomiting or any particularly bad or graphic instances though. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Spider doesn’t remember much of what happened after. He remembers being strapped to a cot in a quinjet, whining and writhing and keening in the back of his throat. The Soldier was petting his sweat-soaked hair, singing soft lullabies. The Captain and the Widow were in the front, a plastic curtain drawn between them and the cabin. Iron Man and Black Falcon were sitting at the entrance, giving him sad looks. 

He remembers a worried man with curly dark hair taking his blood and his vitals, whispering something to someone behind him that Spider couldn’t make out. The acidic scent of antiseptic and chemicals nearly made him gag. There was something else under it though. He couldn’t tell what. 

He remembers a massive bed covered in the softest blankets and pillows and sheets he’d ever felt. He remembers pulling them around him into a nest, ripping off the undershirt and boxers that were three sizes too big and smelled like a stranger, tossing them as far from the soft blankets as he could. He’d curled around a pillow, panting into it as cramps tore through his body, a burning ache that he didn’t understand following it. 

He remembers the Soldier coming in a few times, urging him to drink some water and eat something. He threw whatever it was up, stomach entirely unused to real food. Even the water made him sick. After the second time, the Soldier just gave him water, but even that Spider would barely take a sip or two before hiding his face in the blankets. 

He remembers crying. A lot. 

At some point, the heat and pain and ache ended, leaving him sticky with sweat and utterly exhausted. But the thought of getting out of his circle of blankets was too much, no matter how desperately he knew he needed to find the Doctor and get a nutritional IV and how if he didn’t go find his Handler and accept his punishment for failing all his mission objectives then it’d just make things so, so much worse… 

Instead, he just goes to sleep, feeling anything but content. 

\--

Spider wakes up feeling less sticky, less faint, but just as achy and exhausted as he had been when the cramps had ended. Only now he’s not in the comfort of the pillow walls, he’s in a hospital bed, with machines beeping and buzzing in his ear so much louder than they have any right to be. He’s got a cuff around one wrist keeping him tied to the bed, which would be laughable if it didn’t make him so anxious. 

The room’s nice, really. Much better than the metal slab that the Doctor has him lay on during tests. Anything is an improvement over the mat that’s his bed in his cell, which is so worn through by now that it’s falling apart. 

The blankets on the hospital bed are soft and warm, a sensation he’s not used to at all. The lights are dimmed, the walls a warm tan. By his bedside, there’s a heart monitor, a few IV drips, and some other machines he can’t recognize. 

Sitting in the nice armchair in the corner of the room is the Soldier. 

Spider stays still. Every instinct in his body tells him to grab a weapon, finish his mission, maybe then he won’t be punished too badly… but he stays still. He’s in an unknown environment, with no weapon on his person, and currently in a weakened physical condition. It’s better to wait until he has an idea of where he is before he reacts in a way that gets him more hurt. 

“You’re awake.” Spider doesn’t reply. He’s not supposed to talk to the Soldier. 

“You’re at the Avenger’s Tower, in our med bay. You just had your first heat. How do you feel?” Soldier talks softly, gently. He’s never heard him talk like that before.

Something’s changed in him. He’s softer now. Some might say healthy-looking. His hair’s washed, his eyes dark and haunted as always, but no longer heavy with deep bags. He doesn’t hold himself as rigidly, as warily as he did when Spider knew him. And when Captain America comes in, he smiles. 

Spider never, ever, ever saw the Soldier smile. 

“Bucky,” Captain America calls the Soldier, opening an arm. The Soldier dives into his side with a…. a purr almost. Some warm rumbling sounds. For some reason, it soothes something in Spider. Relaxes that initial ball of defensiveness that he felt when waking up. 

The Captain’s presence brings it right back though. 

“Spider. How are you doing?” The Captain asks. Spider glares at him. This is the bastard who took the Soldier from him. He’s the man who made the Doctor and his Handler so furious. He’s why Hydra’s mission failed. 

He took Soldier from him.

Spider hates the Captain. 

“Whoa there, I’m not going to hurt you,” The Captain puts his hands up as Spider begins to growl. 

“Stevie, you should probably go. He just presented and you’re an unknown alpha,” the Soldier whispers to the Captain. 

“You’re okay?”

“Yea, promise.” The Soldier gives his hand a squeeze before the Captain nods and heads out of the room. He leaves a mug of coffee by the chair where the Soldier was sitting before. 

“You go too.” Spider snarls at the Soldier. He looks shocked, as if he can’t understand why Spider might hate him. As if it isn’t obvious. 

“Spider - “

“GO!” 

He leaves. 

Spider tries not to feel hurt about it. Being alone is a good thing. That’s what he wanted, and now he can figure a way to escape without a fight. There’s a vent by the ceiling, and snapping the cuff takes barely a thought. He can get up, get out, all before the Avengers notice - 

“Spider? Hi there, I’m Dr. Bruce Banner, and this is Tony Stark. Do you mind if we come in?” A man with curly black hair knocks on the door. He has a nice smile, but Spider doesn’t trust it. If he’s here, then he must be part of the Avengers, and that means he’s an enemy. Tony Stark is definitely an enemy. He’d be one even if he wasn’t Iron Man. Too much power rests in his hands, too much power that can’t be influenced by Hydra. 

Spider doesn’t reply to Dr. Banner, just eyes the two warily. Banner enters anyways. Of course he does. Spider is their prisoner. He has no say here. 

Not that he has any more say at Hydra, though. At least Dr. Banner asked. 

“Spider, do you know where you are?” Dr. Banner asks.

“I am at the Avenger’s Tower.” 

“Do you know why you are here?” 

“I’m your prisoner.” It’s not exactly a question, but it sort of feels like one. Of course he’s a prisoner, why would Banner need him to say it? 

“No, you aren’t,” Stark shakes his head, a slight frown on his face. “We don’t keep prisoners, kid. That’s not what we do here.” 

“So you’ll let me go back to Hydra?” 

Banner and Stark share an uncomfortable look, before Stark says, “No…”

“So I am your prisoner then.” The Avengers are very bad at this. His Handler will enjoy the information. If a Hydra member were to be captured they could easily manipulate them. Spider would do it himself, but he’s not a spy. He’s a killer, and he needs to return to his Handler as soon as he can. 

“No.” Stark shakes his head, harder now. “No, kid, listen, we don’t keep prisoners. We’re not letting you go back to Hydra because Hydra is bad. Normally we’d hand a Hydra member to the authorities, but… Well, you’re an exception.” 

“Why?” Spider narrows his eyes. They can’t know about the Spider Project. Unless the Soldier told them? He’s clearly been with the Avengers for a while, maybe the majority of the past two years even. Hydra had no idea where he was, so they presumed he was on the run. They never imagined he’d join the Avengers as one of their own. 

But Spider had sensed something close, something uniquely intimate between the Soldier and the Captain. The way they looked at each other. The way they held each other, so warm and gentle. The way their scents mixed together just right. They’d been together for a while. Longer than Spider knew, most likely. 

The Soldier used to cry out for a Steve when he’d have nightmares in Spider’s room. He’d called the Captain Stevie… could Captain America be Soldier’s Steve? 

If he was… well, that’d complicate things. The Soldier always had such love and longing in his eyes when he’d talk about Steve, to himself, not to Spider, because they weren’t allowed to talk. Spider always felt like he was meant to hear it though. 

He’s not sure he can blame the Soldier for leaving if it was for his Steve. 

It still hurts though. That he chose his Steve, even when he could barely remember him, over Spider. 

“Because you’re twelve!” Stark sounds a bit panicked at that. “Jesus, you’re a kid, you shouldn’t be killing for Hydra!”

“Tony…” Banner gives Stark a look. 

“I know, I know, I just… Come on, Bruce,” Stark scrubs his face with his hands, “You can’t tell me this doesn’t kill you inside.”

“Of course it does, Tony, but you can breakdown with Pep once her meeting is over, alright? Can we focus on this for the moment?”

“Right, right,” Stark takes a shaky breath, rolling his shoulders and steeling himself. “Okay.” 

“Thank you,” Banner has a found, albeit exasperated smile on his face. “Spider, how much do you remember about the last week?”

“There was a bunch of blankets… and I was hot. There were cramps… Did you poison me?” He gasps. Even as he says it, he knows it’s not true. The Doctor knew something was coming, and the heat had begun in the jet, though not nearly as bad. 

“No, we didn’t. What you experienced was called a heat. Omegas get them, once every three months or so. They last four to six days, sometimes less, sometimes more. You just had your first one, so it was particularly bad and longer than normal.” Dr. Banner patiently says. “You were in a heat room, which is prepared with nesting materials and isolated to prevent any unwanted alpha attention.” 

“Omegas? Alphas? I don’t…” Spider frowns, his hands digging into the blankets. “Are you talking in code?” 

“They never gave you the talk, did they?” Stark sighs. “Of course they didn’t, why am I surprised?” 

“I’ll give you the quick version right now, but we’ll get you a book that’ll explain things more later.” Banner sits on a rolling stool by the bed. “Everyone has a primary gender, boy, girl, or other, but when you hit puberty you get a secondary gender. Alphas make up about thirty percent of people, and experience ruts and some other stuff. Betas make up about fifty five percent, don’t have ruts or heats, and usually have pretty mild scents. Omegas are the rarest, about fifteen percent of people are one, and they have heats. You just presented as an omega.”

“What do those mean though?” Somehow, he’s only more confused now. 

“Essentially, omegas are more fertile, especially during heats, and are able to give birth no matter their primary gender, and can’t get other people pregnant. Alphas can’t get pregnant, neither can beta males, but alphas can get other people pregnant way easier, which rut helps with. Beta females can get pregnant, but it’s harder for them. So like, sex ed shit,” Stark ticks things off with his fingers. “Oh there’s all these stereotype shit about like, who’s dominant, who’s submissive, who can do what jobs or not, that sort of thing, but it’s all bullshit. I’m an omega, and I’ve made all the best technological inventions in the past two decades, so clearly the forties were wrong.”

“Yes, yes Tony, you’re very impressive.” Banner sighs. Stark sticks his tongue out. 

“So I’m an omega, and I can get pregnant, and I have to go through that… that every few months?” Spider pales. He can’t imagine going through that pain again. Especially not without those soft blankets and pillows and everything. His Handler will probably punish him for being out of commission so long, and he’ll lock in him in room where everything’s always dark and hard and cold and… 

He doesn’t want that. Maybe the Doctor will have something that could prevent them. Yes, he’s sure she will, his Handler will make her so Spider isn’t useless so often. 

“Well, suppressants exist, but as a super soldier, it’s unlikely that they’d work for you without serious modification. I could start working on some. Haven’t yet, Capsicle is an alpha and Robocop’s a beta so there was no reason.” Stark hums. “Yea, I can do that. Still, you’ll have to have one every two years, just for health reasons.” 

“Will it always hurt that bad?” Spider knows he’s not supposed to complain about pain, weapons don’t feel pain after all. But that was a different kind of pain to bullet wounds and stabs and electric shocks. That was so much worse. 

“Nah. It gets easier after your first one or two, and, uh… there’s some stuff to help with them that we won’t get into now because I am not emotionally prepared to give a twelve year old brainwashed assassin the Sex Talk.” Stark grins. 

“Tony.” Banner gives him another look. 

“What? Do you think teaching him about dildos is the thing we should be focusing on here? Didn’t you say you needed to check his blood levels or something?” Stark scoffs. 

“Dildos?” Spider furrows his brow. “Are those a… a weapon?”

“No,” Banner says. 

“They can be if you’re determined enough!” Stark says. 

Spider’s only more confused. 

“Let’s move on and see how you’re doing, how about that? You’re suffering pretty severe malnutrition, Spider, we’ve got you on some IVs but it’s not going to be enough by a long shot. You’ve got a metabolism that could rival Steve’s, and were half-starved even before you didn’t eat for a week. You passed out a few times from it,” Dr. Banner starts talking as he starts drawing some of Spider’s blood, checking the IVS, testing his reflexes and eye movements, the works. “You were also extremely dehydrated, but that at least we’ve been able to get under control. The nutrition issue was, of course, more difficult.”

“How much were you eating before?” Stark asks. 

“Two nutritional IV bags a day. I had to earn them through training or cooperating with lab work.” 

“How much food did you eat?” Stark narrows his eyes. 

“None. I only had the bags.” 

“Fuck.” He hisses. Banner sucks in a sharp breath himself, hands pausing as they wrote down Spider’s numbers.

“Those would never be enough to keep you properly sustained. Enough to not die, if they were manufactured with enough calories for your metabolism, but not enough. Spider, have you ever had real food?” Banner’s eyes are green. They weren’t before. 

Green. Dr. Banner. Avengers.

This is the Hulk. Level seven enemy. 

Spider doesn’t feel safe anymore. 

“No.” He doesn’t mention the fruit cup. He doesn’t want to make them mad. 

“No wonder you threw up with the granola bars.” Stark scrubs his face with his palms. “Okay. Okay! Guess we’re just going to have to get cooking, huh? I’ll let Wanda and Steve know they need to go shopping.” 

“Tell them they need to start light. Liquids at first, simple flavors, none of that spicy shit Wanda likes.” 

“I’m not an idiot, Brucie.” Stark sticks his tongue out. Spider laughs, only to slam his hand over his mouth when the two men look at him. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, sirs, I won’t - I - I’m sorry!” He drops his head, clenches his fists in the sheets and squeezes his eyes shut. Waiting for punishment. Will they have the Hulk do it? Or - or maybe they have their own chair? 

What if they use their chair to wipe him? Make him on their side? Maybe that's what they did with the Soldier, maybe - maybe they’ll fully reprogram him? he - he doesn’t want that - his Handler showed him videos of them programming Soldier in the beginning, the Doctor explaining to him how they scrapped out everything in his mind until he was nothing but drooling, stupid shell. They told him if he ever disobeyed on a mission they’d do that too, reprogram him for months of pain until he couldn’t remember which way was left or right. 

The Avengers will do that. Of course they will, he’s Hydra, they hate Hydra, and he’s - he’s a valuable asset they can use against the only home he’d ever known so of course - of course they’ll reprogram him to follow their orders. He doesn’t want to follow their orders. He doesn’t want to be punished by the Hulk or be reprogrammed or - or ….  
These people are so much stronger than his Handler or the Doctor. They can hurt him so much more. He’s so tired of hurting. 

“...Spider, Spider, can you hear me? I want you to breathe for me, okay? Do you think you can breathe? Just deep, slow breaths. Follow my lead okay? In for five, hold for four, and out for eight. Ready?” Someone’s talking to him. Stark, he thinks. He needs to follow orders. Maybe then he won’t be punished. 

He starts breathing, following his instructions. In for five. Hold for four. Out for eight. Five. Four. Eight. Five. Four. Eight.

“Good job, Spider. You’re doing amazing. Just keep breathing like that. You’re doing so good,” Stark praises him. 

Praise. He’s never had that. He’s never been told he did… amazing. When he makes his Handler happy, he gets a nod and is allowed to rest longer than his mandatory three hours. When the Doctor is proud, she’ll hug him, maybe whisper in his ear how exciting this is. She told him he did a good job when he made the web-shooters, but when they broke a few tries later she slapped him and told him “of course you can’t do anything right. Why did I think you could actually make something like this work?” 

She never told him he did a good job again. 

Stark says he’s done a good job now. Just for breathing. Just for calming down. 

Oh. Oh no - no, no he panicked. He - he took up their time, he wasn’t useful he’s not - he’s not supposed to do that, he - 

“No, no, no, Spider, look at me. Look at me, kid,” Stark holds Spider’s chin. It takes so much effort to look at him. He’s not supposed to look at the people in charge. “Spider, whatever is going through your head right now, it's wrong. Okay?” 

“I was bad. You should punish me.” He’s not supposed to speak, but he’s already going to be put in the chair, so he might as well. 

“Bad? No, you weren’t bad at all. You calmed down for me, that was good. And you laughed! I was so happy when you laughed, and so was Bruce! You did good,” Stark says. 

“No, no I panicked, I took up your time, I wasn’t useful, I spoke out of turn, I made unnecessary noise, I deserve punishment.”

“Hmm... Okay.” Stark flicks his forehead. 

“Tony!” 

“There you go,” he ignores Bruce’s cry. “Punishment.”

“What? No, that - that was so little!” Spider pulls back, shaking his head. 

“Yea, and it was perfectly appropriate to what you did. We’re not Hydra, Spider. We do things differently here. Having a panic attack isn’t something that deserves punishment if it was my ass would be constantly bruised and I could never sit down again. Laughing is a good thing, always, and the fact you’d get hurt for being happy is frankly sick.” 

“Think about it this way, Spider. We’re against Hydra. Everyone here hates Hydra and everything they do. So of course, our standards and rules are opposite theirs.” Banner smiles sadly. “And we know it’s going to take some time to adjust to that when you’re used to severe pain for doing the things we want you to do, but please, please know, we’re never going to hurt you.” 

“You… you aren’t going to put me in the chair then?” He has to check. He has to know. 

“No. Fuck no. I’m going to burn every one of those damned devices to the ground before you ever have to go back to one.” Stark growls. “Bucky nor you nor anyone else is ever going to have their minds fried like an egg ever a-fucking-gain.” 

Something flared then. A comforting, determined scent. Something like a steady fire and… and something Spider can’t name, but that soothes over his anxiety like a balm. Something that he wants to curl up into and sleep for hours. Protected. 

“You… you promise?” Promises mean nothing, he knows that. But he can’t help that pathetic, childish need for one anyway. 

“Pinkie promise.” Stark holds out his pinkie. 

“Okay.” Spider loops his pinkie around Stark’s. He giggles again. He doesn’t get punished for it at all, just like Stark promised. 

Instead… instead, he gets a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Spider experiences his first heat in a secluded room on his own. He wakes up in a hospital once it's done. Bucky is there, but Spider sends him and Steve away out of anger. Tony and Bruce come in, explain abo sex ed to him. Spider laughs when Bruce and Tony joke around together, expects punishment for doing so, and has a panic attack that Tony talks him down from. Tony assures Spider there will be no punishments in the future.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the comfort begins!! Yayy!! Also, I really hate some of the research I had to do for this fic, mainly because I didn't have to make do it and read all these sad case studies BUT I did, so... I brought it on myself I guess. With that ominous note, enjoy!!!
> 
> TW: Severe past neglect of a child, mild anxiety attack, and, uh, not sure how to phrase this without spoiling so I just will.   
> As a young kid Peter got a hot metal rod shoved in his mouth. He healed quickly, but there is like, a one-sentence, semi-graphic description of it, so just heads up for that. To avoid it, skip the paragraph that begins with "Two years old. I was talking..."

“So, Brucie bear’s given you the go-ahead, you’re perfectly healthy except for the, you know, starvation issue. Do you… do you want to go see your new home?” Stark leans against the doorway to Spider’s hospital room. The two had left to let him rest a bit more while Banner ran a few tests on his blood. He’d like to sleep some more, he’s utterly exhausted, but he doesn’t mention it. He knows he can function with little to no sleep for up to three days with minimal hindrance. 

It’s just not very pleasant. 

“Home?” Spider frowns. He’d heard the word before, of course. Hydra was his home. But… 

The way Stark said it was different. His Handler always said home the same way he’d say cell or owners. Stark said it… warmly. Happily. Like he was excited, and comfortable, and wanted Spider to be too. 

“Yea! You’re going to be staying with me and Pep, she’s my mate and kind of scary at first but she’ll warm up to you like, immediately. We thought about letting you stay with the grandpas but Bucky said that’d be a bad idea, you didn’t seem real keen on them earlier or whatever. He was damn hurt by it, but hey, bad memories I’m sure.” Stark was talking faster than he had been before, playing with his fingers and looking anywhere but at Spider. 

“What’s wrong?” Spider narrows his eyes. Is staying with him code for being in a cell? The chair? He’d pinkie promised that there would be no chair, but promises are thin and breakable. It’d be almost expected for the Avengers to break a promise. 

Stark gives him a look that Spider can’t decipher before sighing. 

“Not everyone is happy about you being on our floors. Nat, Rhodey, even… even Pep thinks you should be in a secure cell. Not like - like a real cell, you’d have a bed and shit, but it’d be secure. They’re just worried though, and I’m not locking a kid in a cell.” Stark waves his hand, dismissing a very rational thing like it’s fantasy. 

“You should lock me away. It would be the most logical thing to do. I am more dangerous than the Soldier, and I have no reason to trust you or to stay.” Spider shrugs. 

“You’re not our prisoner. Putting you in a cell, no matter how nice it is, is no way to gain your trust.” 

“Why would you care about my trust? Why wouldn’t you put me in a cell? I am a prisoner.” Maybe the Avengers have different rules. Maybe having a panic attack and laughing are acceptable behaviors. But he’s still their prisoner. 

“Spider… You know that what Hydra did to you was wrong, right?” 

“No it wasn’t. 

“Yes it was.” 

“No, it wasn’t. What about it could possibly have been wrong?” 

“How old were you the first time they hurt you?” Stark sits down at the foot of the hospital bed. 

“I… What do you mean by hurt me?” The first time he got injured in a sparring match was at three years old. The first time he was in the chair was after fixing Soldier’s arm, which was at… three or four years old. It wasn’t a long time, just a few minutes, but it was enough to make him fear it. He’d been getting injections that hurt for as long as he could remember. Stark needed to be more specific. 

“How about the first time you were punished for doing something little, like laughing or talking. 

“Two years old. I was talking to myself in my unit. The Doctor was annoyed by the noise, so she took me out and shoved a hot metal rod in my mouth to keep me quiet. I was burned pretty bad, but it healed in a few days.” He can still remember the taste of metal and blood, still hear the sizzling of his mouth. That was when he learned how much the Doctor liked him quiet. 

“Holy fuck.” Stark hisses, looking sick. “Jesus that… I knew you’d say something way too young, but that’s just - that’s torture. On a toddler! Jesus fuck… Wait, you said unit. What was this - this unit?” 

“Um, it… it was like a dome I guess, glass, with gloves so the Doctor could get in without opening it. I had an IV tube with the needle in my thigh that went out, they’d use it for my nutritional drips and to give me the modified serum doses. I remember it hurt a lot, the needle shifted a bunch even though it was taped down. I don’t remember a lot of it, because I was young, but I think I was there for the first eighteen months of my life, before I started leaving every once in a while. The Doctor wanted a completely controlled environment.” 

“So no one ever handled you as a kid? Did you have a blanket? A stuffed animal? Anything?” Now Stark looks on the very of a panic attack, yanking at his hair with a wild edge to his eyes. 

“No. And why would I have a hunting trophy?” 

“Spider, do you have any idea how much it fucks with a child’s development if they aren’t held enough as a baby?” 

“It does?” 

“Yea. Which was probably the point, honestly, kids who weren’t held never get attached to anyone, they don’t always realize that they can affect the world, their cognitive abilities and certainly emotional ones can be drastically slowed or limited, they usually have less of a response to pheromones, once they are a bit older they tend to trust adults more easily, especially omegas since they never had one person who was theirs so anyone is good enough and they never quite get that some people are bad… Fucking hell, Spider. Can’t you see how fucked up this is?” 

“I don’t… I…” Spider whimpers, pulling his knees to his chest, hiding behind them. “I don’t… It can’t be bad. Hydra can’t be bad.”

“They are.”

“No! No, they can’t be because - because I don’t - they’re all I know how - what - I don’t know - know anything but Hydra they can’t be bad because that means - that means I’m bad and I don’t want to be bad I just - I don’t - it can’t have been wrong! Hydra can’t have been wrong!” 

“Spider - “ Stark gets cut off when a woman shows up at the door. Spider look up from his knees at her, horrified because - because - 

She must be the one in charge here. She has the same sort of power in her stance the Secretary had when he visited. She’s wearing a soft blue pantsuit, perfectly tailored, and matching heels and has her red hair in a crisp ponytail and - and she just - 

She smells strong. Sharp. Just like Captain America did. Just like the Widow did, when he fought her. Just like the Secretary and his Handler. He likes her scent better, it’s - it’s nice. Sharp lemon and mint, but sweeter than it is harsh. 

But it still… it still scares him, especially with that cutting look in her eyes. He pulls himself further into the corner of the bed, whimpering slightly. He can’t help but flinch when she comes into the room. 

“Tony.” The woman pauses by the bed next to Stark, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. She kisses his head. 

“Pep. I…” He doesn’t see what Stark does. He won’t look up. He’s not supposed to. 

“Spider, can you look up at me?” 

He raises his head just slightly, not looking at her face. 

“Spider…” Fuck. He’s doing it wrong. 

He finally looks at her face, all covered in freckles and… And a soft smile. 

“Good job, Spider. Thank you,” she smiles some more. “I brought a present for you.” He flinches so hard he nearly knocks his head into the metal frame of the bed. 

“No, no, no, not a bad one. It’s nice and soft. It can’t hurt you.” She coos. He doesn’t look, just stares at the wall, gasping for breath, shaking, shaking so bad. Is she going to decommission him? Put another collar on him? The Doctor said that, said “I have a present for you” right before she locked it on. His Handler made him spar while it periodically shocked him, the pulses growing closer together and stronger the more he fought. He kept going until they called the match, but immediately after he passed out on the ground. 

“Here, I’m going to put it right beside you. You can decide if you want it or not. Tony? A word?” The woman moves, weight shifting the bed by his side before she grabs Stark’s hand. The two leave the room. Spider can hear them outside. 

“How’d you know to bring it?” Stark whispers. 

“I was on the flight back when Jarvis pulled up the live stream. Right about when you asked him when his first punishment was. Tony… What are we going to do? Bucky was one thing, he had memories and Steve to come back to, but this kid has nothing.” She sounds so exhausted. 

“Well we can’t do nothing, Pepper! Do you really think that if we give him to the FBI, they’ll give him any help? He doesn’t need prison, Pep, he needs a goddamn hug, okay!” 

“I’m not saying that Tony. Of course I’m not saying that. They’ll put him on the Raft and you know how I feel about that disgusting hellhole. Bad enough Wanda had to spend even a minute there, a twelve year old will not step foot in that place as long as I stand.” The woman snarls. Spider whimpers a little. 

“That’s my girl.” Stark laughs. “I knew you’d understand this.” 

“Of course I do, Tony, but… What do we do? What’s your plan?” 

“Well…” 

“You don’t have a damn clue do you?”

Spider stops listening then. He wants to know what they are going to do to him, sure, but it doesn’t exactly sound like they know either. They are all equally uncomfortable and scared. 

Somehow that’s more reassuring than knowing their plan. 

That’s when he remembers the… the present from the woman, Pepper. It’s light, too light to be a weapon or another collar. And if it is… well, it’s best if he knows what he’s dealing with, right? So he looks out from behind his knees. 

And sees a… a little brown teddy bear, dressed in a silly Captain America outfit. The helmet doesn’t fit right, half falling off the bear’s head, and the colors are so bright. His outfit is more like pajamas than a uniform. It makes him a little uncomfortable, bringing back the memory of the Captain himself, but the ridiculousness of it all makes up for it. He giggles, quiet enough he’s sure they can’t hear outside. 

When he picks it up, it’s… it’s so soft. The fur, the paws, even the outfit are made out of fabric so soft that it doesn’t even bother Spider’s hypersensitive skin. Well, the outfit does a bit, but the fur definitely doesn’t. He takes off the slipping helmet so he can rub his face against its head, giggling louder when it makes his nose itch. He just can’t stop grinning, holding it’s paw and hugging it close. He… he loves it. 

He doesn’t want to go back to Hydra. 

The realization hits him harder than Iron Man did. He… he doesn’t want to go back. But… but he’d get in so much trouble, so much trouble if he didn’t. If he stays with the Avengers they’ll send someone after him like they sent him after Soldier. 

But - but he’d be fine, right? He’s defeated every one of their agents, and they decommissioned all the other Soldiers so - so there’s no other enhanced that work with Hydra now. And the Avengers - if he - if he stays with them then maybe - maybe they’ll help protect him! They protected the Soldier so they - they might do the same for him too. 

If he stays with them, then Stark will make him something so he doesn’t have to go through those… those heat things, right? And if he does then Stark said there’s something that can help that they have and can show him when it happens again probably, and he’d have the nice room with the dim lights and the soft blankets and pillows!

Maybe he can - maybe he can ask for some soft blankets and pillows even when he’s not in heat! And maybe - maybe they’ll let him keep the bear! And food! Banner said he could get real food! Like maybe - like maybe another fruit cup! 

The door opens, and Pepper and Stark walk in. 

“Can I have a fruit cup? If I stay here, can I - can I have a fruit cup?” He gasps, half bouncing on the bed. Pepper laughs, a warm one, not a mean one. 

“Kid, you can have as many fruit cups as you want.” Stark laughs too.

“Then I want to stay. Please, can I stay I’ll - I’ll be useful, I promise, I -”

“Spider, of course you can stay. You could be a lazy bum on the couch, and you could still stay.” Pepper comes over to him, taking his hands in hers as she crouches by the bed. 

“You’re safe now, Spider. We’re going to take care of you.”

“Safe.” He looks down at their hands. He’s… she’s holding his hands. No one’s touched him gently in over two years. 

He starts crying, nodding over and over. Repeating her words to himself over and over. 

Safe. Safe. Safe. 

He’s safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Tony starts learning more about the ways Hydra hurt Peter, including how they kept him in a controlled unit as a baby without any human contact and severe punishments for little things like talking or laughing. Peter meets Pepper, who he's scared of until she gives him a small Captain America teddy bear. He realizes he doesn't want to go back to Hydra and agrees to stay with them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: vomiting

Stark, who insists he call him Tony, and Pepper lead him up to their floor. The whole time, Tony is talking about the set up of the tower. Pepper seems duly amused by it.   
Spider’s fascinated.

The floors go Thor, because he takes off through the ceiling too much and it’s better just to save the repair bills, and hey, he put in an opening for the rainbow bridge. Then Bruce’s floor, so if he Hulks out then he only will destroy Thor’s floor, which is already empty most of the time. After is Clint and Natasha, Clint likes the high vantage point apparently, then Steve and Bucky’s floor that he designed to “not look as expensive as it is,” because apparently Steve has a “pride issue.” After that is the common floor which is actually two floors because he figured they’d have more stowaways at some point, like Wanda, and wanted room for them, and then their floor because that’s the one with the big balcony for landing with the suit. Below them is Tony’s personal lab, then the training rooms, the med bay where the heat room is too, and finally, beneath all ten floors for the Avengers, is the rest of Stark Industries. 

Spider has a bit of a headache after the onslaught of information, but it’s still exciting. He’s apparently allowed to visit all the Avenger’s floors except the personal ones, without asking! He can just go and work out at the training rooms or… 

Or even go to the labs. 

“Wait, so… can I… can I use the labs too?” Tony said it was Bruce and his personal labs. He wants to check. 

“You like inventing, kid?” A big grin starts to stretch across Tony’s face. 

“I made my webshooters myself when I was six years old. I worked on the Soldier’s arm, with no tools and no light, when I was four.”

“I’ll take that as a cocky yes.” he laughs. “Absolutely you can. I’ll show you it tomorrow, alright? Actually… I think there’s a big ol’ space there that I’m not using right now. What do you say to having your own lab?” 

“My… my own? With - with tools? And everything?” Spider’s eyes widen. He didn’t… that has to be too good to be true. 

“Absolutely. It’s yours.”

“As long as you stay safe and don’t spend fifty-two hours down there without sleeping or eating, like this one,” Pepper adds.

“Oh don’t worry, ma’am, I can last three days with no sleep and not be significantly affected either mentally or physically,” Spider says. She gives him a sad look. 

“Well, let’s try not to push it past twenty-four hours, okay?” He nods. “Good. Now take a look. Welcome home, Spider.” He turns around. 

It’s… it’s nothing like Hydra. Nothing at all. He’d expected it to look at least vaguely similar, the med bay did, albeit lighter and less intimidating. But this… the walls aren’t cement. There are no pipes that’ll burn you if you brush against them accidentally, there are no swinging bulbs, there are no guards outside heavily locked doors that will kick you if you look at them for too long. 

The whole space is wide open, so he can see everything, so light fills everything. There’s a kitchen, just like the ones he’d seen in his target’s houses, with cabinets and a fridge and a machine making some sort of brown liquid. In the middle, sunken down a bit into the ground, is a round…something... oh, a couch! There’s a couch, and a gray box on the wall, a picture probably, and bookshelves with all sorts of books, even ones that don’t look like the guidebooks and manuals he was taught from!

And there are so many windows! Big floor to ceiling windows, so high up he’s not even worried about a sniper getting them. He can see the whole city from up here, all these buildings and cars and lights and people so small on the streets they look like the pebbles he’d arrange in patterns in his cell to keep entertained. 

“Whoa…” 

“Cool huh?” Tony grins. “Best view in New York City, if you ask me. Well, flying over it is pretty great too, but this is a close second. When the sun rises, it’s right over there, so we can see it all.” He points to some tiny bridge that’s so far away it almost looks like a drawing. 

“Is it pretty?” 

“Definitely.” 

“I want to see it then!” he grins. 

“Wake up early one day and you will. Now, want to see your room?” Tony asks. 

Spider’s heart sinks. Of course. His room. He’ll be locked in, just like always, unable to see the sunrise or look out at the city or sit on the couch, just to see what it felt like. He was hoping he could stall it off longer. He wanted to keep looking at all these new things. He wanted to keep the Captain America bear a little bit longer. Just a little bit more. He won’t complain then when they take it, he just, just wants a little more so he can remember the softness. 

“Spider, what are you thinking? What do you think Tony means when he says you’re going to see your room?” Pepper comes over, kneeling so she can look him in the eye. 

“You’re going to lock me in the dark. Take away my bear and - and I’ll be stuck in - in the dark again.” He bites his lip. Bites back some tears. He’s not supposed to cry. He’s not supposed to want, or complain. Weapons don’t have emotions. Weapons don’t get to have soft things. 

“Spider, come here,” Pepper holds out her hand. He takes it, sniffling a little as she leads him down the hall. She opens one of the doors. “Take a look, Spider.” 

He looks up. 

The room is... it’s… it’s not like his old one, not at all. The walls are a nice green, and there’s a bed, not a thin mat, a bed. With blankets and a - a real pillow and a mattress. And there’s a dresser, and a closet and a desk and a door to his own bathroom, not a smelly toilet that always floods his room, a real one, with a shower! He’s never had a shower, not a real one, they always just - just spray him with a high powered hose that’s so, so cold to get the blood off. And there’s a…. 

A window. A big window with white curtains half-covering it. It’s light and open, and there’s a _window_. He can see outside. He can see the sun starting to set over the skyline and the little cars and people and…

“Is this really my room?” He looks up at Pepper. 

“Of course it is. You can fill it with whatever you want. Books, posters, flags, trinkets, anything. This space is yours now, and you can do absolutely anything to make it feel more like home. And, if it gets too dark at night, then you can leave the light on in your bathroom, or we can get you a nightlight.”

“Or maybe some fairy lights. Natasha’s room has about a hundred fairy lights. It’s very Instagram-able. She doesn’t like the dark either.” Tony adds. 

“What are fairy lights?” 

“I’ll get you a pack, just to see if you like them.” He winks. “Jarvis? Can you order another set of those lights Natasha likes?”

“Certainly sir.” A voice rings out, but Spider can’t see where it is.

There’s an enemy here. Hiding in his space. He doesn’t have a weapon but that’s okay, that’s okay he has his strength and he’ll - he’ll protect Pepper and Tony and he won’t let them take his room he won’t, he won’t! He won’t go back!

“Spider, it’s okay, that’s just Jarvis. Shit, I’m sorry, I forgot to mention him. He’s my AI. He runs the tower, makes sure no one comes in who’s not supposed to be, and can do things that you ask him for. He stands watch at night, so you won’t have to.” Tony hurries to say. “He’s good, I promise.”

“So he’s… he’s not here?” Spider frowns. 

“Well he’s here, but he doesn’t have a body. He’s got little cameras around the whole tower and little speakers too. Don’t worry, they are impossible to hack.” 

“Anything can be hacked.” 

“Well, I suppose technically that’s true, but I’ve got a pretty ingenious way of making the firewall a true random, constantly shifting encryption. A hacker would go mad before they got access to Jarvis’ cameras, trust me. I’ve literally paid hackers to try and they couldn’t.” 

“I’m still not happy about you doing that, you know.” Pepper sighs. 

“Hey, it proved to everyone that Stark Industries has the best encryption program ever, didn’t it? And how much money does our encryption project make? Hmm? Because I seem to remember it bringing in a few million a day.” 

“It was reckless.”

“It was good business!”

Spider can’t help but laugh at the two bickering. They worked so nicely together. Every time Pepper looked at Tony, there was so much love in her eyes, and same for him, and no matter how frustrated she acted with him, it was always gentle. Tony never was worried about punishment or being hurt with her. It was wonderful. 

“You two love each other.” It finally clicks then. He’d heard of love before, but he’d never seen it or felt it. He’s killed targets who’ve begged him to spare someone they loved, a partner or a kid or even sometimes a parent. And he once killed someone his Handler had loved when she betrayed him. But he never actually saw it in action before. 

He thinks that he rather likes it. 

“Of course we do. Tony’s my mate and a frustrating piece of work at the best of times, but he’s my omega. No matter how much of a dumbass he is, I’m always going to be there for him. I’ll always love him,” Pepper pulls Tony into her side, pressing a kiss on top of his head. 

“Aw, who said romance was dead?” Tony jokes. It’s not enough to hide the bright red he’s sporting. 

“Sir, Mr. Rogers says that dinner is ready. He made a light soup in accordance with Dr. Banner’s suggestion.” 

“Thanks, J.” The two adults turn to Spider. 

“What?” 

“Dinner’s ready. Do you want to come? All the others will be there, and it can get pretty loud. They’ll have questions too. If you don’t want to, we can down some food and eat down here. What do you say, kid?” Tony asks. 

“The Avengers will be there?” He swallows. “I don’t… I…”

“It’s okay. It’s probably better if you meet them one by one anyway,” Pepper assures him. “Tony, why don’t you go up and bring us down three bowls, we can eat in the kitchen.”

“Sure thing!” Tony leaves, the elevator humming down the hall. Pepper leads Spider back to the kitchen, where a dining table is set up.

“The one upstairs is big enough for twenty people, and some days we still have to squeeze more chairs in,” she laughs, setting out some spoons. 

“Can I help?” 

“Sure. Can you fill up three glasses with water? Use the fridge.” Pepper opens one of the cabinets to show a few rows of clear glasses. Spider carefully takes them down, watching his strength so he doesn’t break the glass. He’s never used something like this. He doesn’t want to mess this up. 

By the time he’s finished getting everyone water, Tony is back. 

With Banner in tow. 

“Needed an extra set of hands.” He shrugs. “Also, Bruce wants to be here when you eat.” 

“Just in case. I’m not honestly sure your body even knows how to make the enzymes to break down food.” Bruce winces. “Babies normally get that sort of thing from breast milk and the slow introduction of solid foods, so it’s possible.”

“What if he doesn’t?” Pepper frowns as they all sit down at the table. Spider hurries to fill up another glass of water for Banner first though. He wants to be helpful. The others start eating their soup right away, but… he hasn’t been told he could yet. And with what they’re talking about, they might not want him too. He’ll cause so many problems if his body doesn’t like the food. 

Maybe he should just go back on the IV drips. It’d be easier for everyone, and it’s not like he minds them. 

He’d still like a fruit cup though. The one time he did, he was sick for hours after, but it’d be worth it.

“Then we call a pediatric dietitian or a specialist, because that is well out of my range of knowledge.”

“Jarvis, find one of those just in case please,” Pepper says. 

“Certainly, Mrs. Potts.”

“Kid, you can start eating,” Tony nudges Spider’s arm, just realizing he hasn’t touched his. Spider nods, looking down at the bowl. 

He’s allowed to eat now. But the soup is… he’s not sure about it. It’s a pale yellowish thing, with little flecks of green in it. The others have tiny noodles in theirs, but his is just the broth. That’s okay. They must not have wanted to waste the noodles on him. Or maybe they are too heavy? He’s not really sure what they mean when they say light or heavy food. He didn’t even realize this was what soup was until now. 

They made this for him, and Tony says he could start eating. It’d be rude not to eat, right? Even though… even though he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to get sick and be a bother, and - and he doesn’t want to disappoint them 

He’s not sure he even wants to know what it tastes like. The only taste he really knows is metallic blood. What if he doesn’t like it? What if he does like it? He’s not supposed to want things, or - or like things. 

They made this for him. Tony said he could start eating. So he should eat it. 

Spider takes the spoon, holding it like the others are. It takes him a few tries to hold it just right, so the soup doesn’t spill over the sides, but he gets it. 

He takes a bite. 

It’s good. It’s so good! He can’t - he doesn’t even know how to describe it, kind of salty but also something else that he - he doesn’t know the word for, but it’s good and it’s warm and he can feel it going down his throat and to his belly and he didn’t - he didn’t even realize that was where food went! It’s so stupid, he should have known, his stomach growls when he’s on missions and doesn’t get is IV on time. But he hadn’t made that connection until now. 

Even just that spoonful sits wrong in him though. Rolling and achy and painful just like the fruit cup wound up being. But he doesn’t want to be a burden. He doesn’t want to get sick. 

He takes another bite, slower this time, just a tentative sip. Then another spoonful. 

And he’s running to the bathroom in his bedroom, stomach cramping just as bad as it had during his heat, only worse because now there’s that acidic burn of bile and his senses are so strong that the taste only makes him get sicker.

He knows he’s crying, the tears hot and sticky on his face. He knows he’s sweating, shaking, gripping onto his wrists so he doesn’t crack the toilet bowl. He does break his wrists from squeezing so tight, but he doesn’t scream, just lets out a sob. He’s broken his wrists so many times he barely registers it now. 

It takes him a while to realize who else is there. Someone’s rubbing his back. He can feel the thick callouses through the thin shirt he’s been wearing since the med bay. 

Tony. 

Tony, who’s talking to him softly, brushing his sweaty bangs back from his forehead, telling him it’s alright, he’s okay, it’s alright. 

“I’m sorry,” Spider sobs. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so - so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, kid? We knew that might happen. Pepper and Brucie are finding someone they can call to help, you’re in desperate need of calories so we need someone quick. We’ll figure this out, okay?” 

“I’m sorry, I don’t - I don’t want to be a bother, I - I can just go on the bags it’s - I don’t want to - to take up your time, I’m so-orry,” Spider tries scrubbing away his tears, tries to stop crying. 

“Kid, hey, look at me. You’re not bothering me in any way I don’t want to be bothered. If it means you’re healthy and okay, then I want you to bother me. Got it?” Tony gives him a stern look. 

“O-okay.” He tries for a smile. It doesn't work. 

“Good. Now, ready for some water? We’ve got some mouthwash if you want too.” 

“Thanks.” 

“You’re doing really well, Spider, you know that right? I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be to adjust. I’m really proud of how you’re managing,” Tony gives Spider a hand to stand up. He almost blacks out from moving too quickly, but he learned a while ago how to lock his knees so he doesn’t fall when that happens. 

It happens a lot. He never realized why, but he’s got a feeling it has to do with them saying he’s starving, even if he doesn’t realize it. 

“Thanks.” 

“Always kid. Always.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very sorry I'm cutting this so close to my self imposed schedule, but I got distracted today by binging a 90k fic. You know how it is. Anyways this chapter was so fucking adorable to write and I hope yall get the feels as much as I did. On a side note, trying to figure out how someone would explain mothers in a comprehensive way to someone who didn't think they were a Thing is a lot harder than Peter Pan made it seem. 
> 
> TW: None, just some good ol' fashioned emotional whumps and Peter CutenessTM.

Spider goes to bed pretty soon after getting sick, he’s just too exhausted to deal with anything more. The day’s just been too much. So much that he doesn’t even question how they let him sleep in the nice bed, with the really soft blankets and the teddy bear. If he was more awake, he’d be confused, or nervous, or at the very least have nightmares. 

He doesn’t. He just sleeps, better than he ever did before. 

When he wakes up, the sun’s already shining through his window. He missed the sunrise. But that’s okay. He’ll see it tomorrow. For now he’ll just… 

Well… he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what he’s expected to do here. Will they want him to fight with them? Or for them, really? He doubts they’d let a known Hydra agent fight alongside the Avengers. They are monitored by various government agencies, so he’s sure that wouldn’t go over well. He’s surprised the Soldier is even allowed to stay with them.

It’s about then that Spider hears the arguing. 

He’s not sure why he didn’t hear it earlier. They are whispering, but not very well, and his hearing is exceptional. A lot of his senses seem to be going weird lately. He feels weak. 

When he stands, he has to grip the wall for support, the room spinning around him for a few minutes. 

He hates feeling weak. 

Spider creeps out of his room, still holding his bear. He doesn’t trust it to still be there when he comes back, so he’ll just keep holding it. Then, at least he’ll know when they take it from him, right? That’s got to be better. He thinks. 

The arguing is in the living room. Tony and… someone else. It’s a she, but not Pepper. Smells like… like gunpowder, and something warm. Ever since his heat, he’s been smelling new things from people, but he can never name them! Can other people name them? Or is it just him? Just another way he’s failing here? 

He’s not sure. 

“Tony, I’m not comfortable having him here. He needs to be restrained. At least in the containment room.” The woman is saying. 

“Nat, I’m not locking him away!”

“You locked Bucky away! And he had his mate here to bring him back!” 

“Bucky’s an adult, Spider is a kid! He just presented, Nat, and you want me to put him in a cell? No, no, I refuse okay?” 

Spider has to bite back a laugh. Apparently, the Avengers see a difference between the two of them because he’s twelve, and the Soldier is… old. He’s not sure how long the Soldier’s been alive, actually. He could never remember that much. 

The age difference doesn’t matter. Spider is far more skilled than the Soldier at this point. Just because he’s young doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous. 

Not that he wants to be put in containment. Spider wants his bedroom, with the window, and the soft blankets. He doesn’t want to be trapped again. It’d be better than Hydra, he’s sure, but... but it’d still be a locked door. It’d still be no light, no bed, no bear. He doesn’t want that. He just got away. He just got to safety. 

“You are in denial about what he is capable of! You’re not just putting yourself and Pepper at risk, but all of us. And your pup. You’re going to be a mother now, Tony, you need to think of their safety now too.” Tony sucks in a sharp breath at that. 

“How’d you…”

“We all know. You’ve got that pregnant milk scent now, you just haven’t realized with all this chaos. No one’s said anything because we don’t want to rush you.” The woman, Natasha, the Black Widow, sounds like she’s smiling. 

Wait… Tony is pregnant? Dr. Banner said that omegas could get pregnant, and Tony said he’s an omega, like Spider is, so it’s possible. He just… didn’t think that it was real. Pregnancy, that is. Mothers. It’s stupid. Again. At this point, he can’t help but wonder how many things he thought he knew about the world were wrong and stupid. 

Do people really keep animals in their houses? He thought for sure that it was fake. And - do they really collect little things, like stamps or - or coins? Is social media really a thing? When he was warned not to let someone take a photo of him, because it’d circulate through social media like lightning, he almost laughed. Websites where people just share photos? What’s useful about that? 

Mothers, too. Those are real. Fathers probably are too then, and siblings and families. The Doctor told him Hydra was his family, so he just always thought it was the people who owned you. But Tony was so appalled at keeping Spider prisoner. He doubts he’d ever own someone, let alone his baby. So what - what is a family them? 

And what are… what are mothers?

“You’re a mom?” Spider steps into the living room, flinching when Tony and the Widow turn to look at him. “Really?”

“Um… Yea. Well, I’m going to be. Give it a few months.” Tony rubs the back of his neck, blushing a little. “The baby’s still growing right now.” 

“Growing? Where?” 

“In… me? Spider, do you not know what pregnancy is?” 

“No. I don’t even know what a mother is.” Spider frowns. “Does it just mean you are growing the baby?” Tony makes a pained, punched out noise in the back of his throat. 

“Nat, you want to go?” 

“Sure.” She doesn’t seem sure. The whole walk to the elevator, she’s giving Spider an odd look. He doesn’t like it. She’s dangerous. Maybe as much as him. He’s never actually fought a Widow, the program destroyed before he was made. He doesn’t think he’d like to try, not until he has his strength back. 

“Let’s get you breakfast, and then we’ll talk. Okay?” Tony gives him a weak smile, leading the way to the kitchen. “We talked to the dietitian earlier. She wants you to take these enzyme whatevers before your meals and start really slow. Multiple meals a day rather than three big ones. Sound good?” 

“Okay.” He’s pretty sure he doesn’t have a choice. He doesn’t normally. 

Tony sets out a bowl of something he calls yogurt, with a pill next to some water. Spider takes it, not even caring if it’s poison, before trying the yogurt. It’s good, just like all the food he’s ever had, but he’s not able to focus on it much. 

“Okay, well. Mothers. Uh… Sometimes a couple will decide they want to raise a kid together, right? And so one of them gets pregnant, which means they’ll be carrying the baby until they’re ready to be born. Until then, they stay here, in the womb,” Tony puts his hand over his belly. Spider copies the movement. He’s an omega like Tony, so does he have a womb too?

Weird. 

“How do they get pregnant?”

“They have sex.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

“Oh thank god, I really didn’t want to explain sex to you,” Tony lets out a relieved sigh, letting his head fall to the table. “But like, remember consent is sexy, right? It’s only okay if all parties fully and enthusiastically agree to it. You got that right?” 

“Yes.” No. But Tony really doesn’t seem like he wants to talk about it, and Spider is much more interested in the mother thing. 

“Good, good. Uh, so yea, the baby gets born and the parents raise them, trying their best not to fuck up spectacularly. Yea.” He sighs, hiding his face in his hands. “I am so bad at this.” 

“Raise them? Like… train them and stuff?” 

“No, no, more like… taking care of them, making sure they are fed and clothed and happy, helping with homework and making sure they know that you love them and they can come to you with whatever. That sort of thing. Basically, the exact opposite of whatever Hydra did to you.”

“So your baby won’t be kept in a unit? And won’t be hurt or - or given injections and won’t be put in the chair if they misbehave?”

“Exactly. Look at you, you’re starting to get it now! This is what I call progress.” Tony grins. “Proud of you kid.”

“Oh.” Spider flushes, swirling his yogurt with the spoon. Tony’s proud of him. He likes making Tony proud. “So I must have had a mother at one point, right?” 

“I… yea. You did. If Dr. Cho hasn’t figured out cloning, Hydra certainly hasn’t, so… yea.” Tony’s not so happy now. Spider’s not quite sure what he said. 

“How’d I wind up with Hydra then?” 

“Well… I don’t know, is the honest answer. She might have been Hydra and specifically got pregnant for the program, she might have… have been a prisoner, or was killed and you were taken, you might have been sold or - or bought from the black market… I don’t know, kid. We don’t have the files on the Spider Project to find out. Unless we can find where they kept you, and the paper files they’ll have there, then we won’t know.” 

“Okay.” Spider nods. He tastes a bit more of the yogurt. He doesn’t feel sick yet, his stomach is cramping but not to a level he can’t handle, and he’s nauseous, but not at risk of getting sick. It’s an acceptable level of discomfort. 

“Do you… know where the place they kept you is?” 

“No. I was never allowed to pilot the jet, even though I knew how to do so. It was somewhere cold, with a lot of snow whenever I left for missions. And in some mountains. But that’s all I can tell you.” He shrugs. “It wasn’t in North America, though.” 

“Can you tell me how long it took you to get to different cities? I can work backward.” 

“No. I never had access to a clock, so I don’t have a good perception of time.” By never, he means never, ever had access to one. There was an old clock in the Doctor’s lab, but he never knew how to read it. There was no day or night in the bunker, he did what he was told to do when he was told to do it, no matter what. He’d sleep when he could, but otherwise, he’d work. No routine. No light. Nothing. 

He only learned the sky was blue when he went on his first mission at eight years old. 

“That’s alright. We’ll see if Bucky knows and work from there.” 

“Why do you call the Soldier Bucky?” Bucky is a name. A weird one, but a name. The Soldier doesn’t have a name. At best, he was Winter, like when he’d have a nightmare in Spider’s room and he was scared. Spider would call him Winter when he’d try to wake him up. If he said Soldier, then he’d wake up half activated, and that was bad. As it was, Spider usually broke something or got strangled for it, but he’d always try to wake Soldier up anyways. 

Soldier would start calling for his Steve in his dreams. If one of the guards or technician, or worse, his Handler, heard him calling for his Steve, then Soldier would be put in the chair. It was worth Spider getting a concussion for an hour to spare him that. 

“Well, uh, that’s his name, kid. From before he was with Hydra. So we call him that because he’s more than the Soldier. You know?” Tony frowns. Like that’s the most obvious thing. Because of course it is, of course they’d call him by his name, not the Soldier. Spider knew there was a time when the Soldier - Bucky - wasn’t with Hydra, so of course, he’d have had a name then. A name like Tony or Pepper or Bruce Banner. 

He needs to add names to the list of stupid things he thought that weren’t true if you thought about it. He just never got the chance to think about it.

“I don’t have any other name than Spider. I don’t have a before.” Spider says. “Well, I was Subject 07 for a while, but that was it.” 

“Well, Pep and I are going to have to go digging to find a name for our pup. If you want, you can join us and find a name you like for yourself.” Tony offers, giving Spider’s hand a squeeze. He likes that squeeze. He likes holding hands. And he’s allowed to, here, to like things like that. To have things like that. 

“Okay. Yea, I - I’d like that. But… is it bad to choose my name? Don’t people get their names when they are babies? Like - like yours?” That’s not one of the things he’s stupid for thinking. He knows it isn’t, because Tony just said he had to pick his pup’s name, and so other people do it that way too.

“Well, people get a name when they are born, but sometimes that name doesn’t quite fit right, and they might use a nickname, like Bucky does, or change their name entirely. It’s definitely not bad, and even if it were, you need a real name. I’m not calling you Spider for the rest of time, alright?” Tony gives him a wink. “Now, didn’t someone want to see the labs?” 

“Yes! Yes, I really do!” He jumps up, nearly knocking the chair over in the process. Would have, if he didn’t have such good reflexes. 

“Have you had enough yogurt?”

“I think so. I think I’ll get sick if I try to eat more.” Spider looks at the bowl. He’d like to eat more, though. He can feel the hunger now. It’s a weird sensation, one he hasn’t noticed in a while. Like a massive ache in his stomach, but an emptiness more than pain. 

“Alright. Once you feel a bit better, let me know and we’ll get you a snack. Okay?” Spider nods. “Good. Now. To the labs!”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say, I've been so eager to post this chapter because Natasha and Peter interactions are my freaking FAV okay i love me some Spidermom. Also, Peter is a badass and it was very fun to play out different fights in my brain to see if things made sense (you'll see what i mean). I like pretending I'm smart. ;) Anyways, here you go! Enjoy!!
> 
> TW: Slight panic attack for like a quick sec. Nothing else. It's a cute chapter.

The labs are great. So, so great, full of all sorts of equipment and toys and materials, and he can use them all. Tony gets him all set up in one corner, shows him where various things are, and then just lets him go loose while he works on suit repairs. He even brings out Spider’s suit for him, so he can start modifying it. 

He wants to remove all the Hydra parts. It just feels right. 

After they come back from a quick lunch, Spider notices something in the new designs flicking across the hologram at Tony’s station

He is adjusting the Iron Man suit’s design to be better able to defend against him. Less clunky and easier to move in to deal with his agility, stronger armor to handle his strength, he’s even trying to find a way to easily dissolve the web fluid. Somehow he got a vial to test it on. 

“You know I’ve already developed a formula to get rid of the webs,” Spider can’t help but laugh at Tony’s latest frustrated attempt to make a dissolving agent that doesn’t also eat through his suit. 

“Shit!” Tony jumps, nearly banging his head on the light over his station. “Fuck, uh… I’m sorry.” 

“Why?”

“For trying to create defenses against you… It's not that I don’t trust you, having a dissolving agent would just be practical, but… well, Nat and the others don’t trust you, so I figure it’d make them less likely to give you shit if we had a decent defense, you know?”

“I’m not offended. But you’re going to want to focus more on withstanding my strength than flexibility. I’m faster than a non-enhanced human will ever be, and it will never be enough to keep me from flipping circles around you. I’d suggest not making it as big as Veronica though, that suit is honestly so easy to tear apart if you aren’t in just a blind rage like Hulk.”

“Seriously? You’re just going to insult Veronica like that? Rude.” 

“I’m just saying. Honestly, all your suits have the same flaw. They are separate pieces. They have so many joints, and you can overlap them and screw them in and use tight metal, but move a joint right and you can access the wiring, the tubing, the important bits, not to mention they are easier to break. If Cap’s shield had a joint in the middle, no matter how nicely you locked it or how tough vibrainum is, the thing would snap the first time you punched it with the suit.” Spider shrugs. “Veronica has so many joints and interlocking parts that it’s pathetically easy to get at the important bits, and with the size, you aren’t able to easily pick a tiny target off you to prevent that. I’d rip the thing to shreds before you could even notice.” 

“Okay, well, how do you suggest I deal with the joint situation? I’ve got to get the damn thing off!” 

“Have you tried nanotechnology yet? Or you could layer plates a few times at each joint to prevent access to internal stuff? I mean some of your suits have that, but not all. It would make it harder to just tear it off, since you'd have some layers to get through. You’re particularly vulnerable at the neck and back region, just so you know you tend to have lots of bigger plates there to allow full movement and it’s easy to pull off one and get the fun stuff.” 

“How the hell do you know this much about my suits?” Tony laughs, running a hand through his hair. “Jarvis, you better be writing this shit down.”

“I am, sir. I am also recording for placement in Mr. Barnes’ Tony Is An Actual Idiot folder.” Jarvis voice rings out. Spider’s not sure how he’s missed the cameras. You’d think he’d feel eyes watching him, but he hasn’t, and he doesn’t appreciate his spider-sense not working like it should. 

“Traitor.” 

“Indeed, sir.” 

“Seriously though, does Hydra have one? Like, I need to know this.” Tony sobers for a minute.

“They don’t have one. They had me watch video footage of your various Machs to give them advice on how to defeat you and overpower the suits. I also had to analyze the Hulk, the Captain, and Hawkeye.” Spider says. “And I worked on improvements for Sold - no… Bucky’s arm. He left before I could install my new changes.” 

“Hmm. Good. I think. Anyways, you said you had a formula? How do you make these fucking webs anyways? They are so strong.”

“They can also conduct electricity and are impervious to being cut. They dissolve naturally after an hour.” Spider shifts his seat over to Tony’s. 

He’s not sure how long they spend bent over chemicals that they probably don’t ventilate properly, designs for the Iron Man suit, even designs Tony’s proposing for an Iron Spider suit. Spider teases that he’s wanting to match, but Tony says that Kevlar isn’t enough protection in this day and age. 

And well, he can’t exactly argue with that. It’s fun anyway, to have the tools and the space and the opportunity to design these things. Tony’s lab has Jarvis to quickly run simulations and numbers, instead of Spider doing them all out by hand. There are holograms and touch screens so he can move things around and visually construct his schematics to see if they work, before actually building the darn things. 

Tony says Spider catches on quicker than he ever did to the technology. But how could he not?

This is the best thing to ever happen to him, and he can’t believe that… that this is his now. He can come down here and work on these ideas with Jarvis’s help and make things that can help people not hurt them and explore whatever he wants, not just what Hydra tells him to make and...

It’s almost too good to be true. 

But it is. Isn't it?

Pepper comes down after a while, muttering under her breath about “now there’s two of them…” before announcing it’s dinner.

“Aw, do we have to?” Spider pouts.

“Yea, Pep, do we have too?” 

“Yes. Tony have you been making sure he’s eating throughout the day?” Pepper crosses her arms.

“Uh… I was good until lunch?” Tony winces. 

“Jarvis, set alerts to remind Spider to eat at least three snacks throughout the day. If Tony is too distracted to help him, call someone else to bring him food and the enzyme pills.” Pepper sighs. Spider glances back and forth between her and Tony, waiting for Tony’s punishment to happen.

It doesn’t. It’s just that, a wince, a disappointed sigh, and a reminder to do better. Even though Tony’s Pepper’s mate, so he’s pretty sure she could punish him if she wanted too. Mate’s another word for handler, right? Only the - the alpha is the handler? 

Wait - no, no that’s not right. They look at each other with too much love for that to be right. Pepper holds Tony's hand as they take the elevator upstairs. Spider would never, ever do that with his Handler, and Tony didn’t get punished for breaking rules either, which a Handler would definitely never allow. Mates are not Handlers, mates are… something else. 

He’s getting better at figuring these things out, isn’t he? That’s a good thing. Tony will be proud of him for that. 

“Spider, Natasha is going to join us for dinner tonight, if you’re okay with that. She wants to get to know you a bit better.” Pepper says as they step off the elevator and into the floor that is now Spider’s home. 

“Because she doesn’t trust me not to hurt her.” He nods.

“Well… Yes.” Pepper sighs. “She won’t be too hard on you though. She doesn’t grill people so much as watch them.” 

“Grill?”

“Question them a lot.”

“Okay.” He nods again. Just like the night before, Tony goes up to get the food, while Spider fills up water glasses and Pepper sets out the table. Tony comes back down with Natasha in tow, three plates and one bowl in hand. 

“Tonight’s meal is steak for us, and for you, it’s just soup again.” Tony winces again, placing the bowl in front of Spider. “Sorry kid, but we have to start you slowly.”

“It’s okay, I liked it.” It’s hard to push away the memory of the taste from after he ate it when he smells the thing, but he liked the soup. He’ll like keeping it down even better. So Pepper passes him his pill, everyone sits down, and dinner starts.

It’s painfully silent. Natasha barely takes her eyes off him, Tony and Pepper keep sharing glances with each other, watching Spider and Natasha carefully, and Spider just starts slowly sipping his soup. He’s not particularly bothered by any of it. He’s used to being watched, and he’s used to silence, after all. 

He’s not particularly bothered by the Widow anyways. She has reason to distrust him. He has reason to distrust her. He’s okay with it if she doesn’t like him because he doesn’t need people to like him. Tony and Pepper like him, and she can’t take the lab from him. She can take away his bear, who’s back on his bed right now, but he’s got a feeling Tony won’t let her. So he’s okay with her wary glares. 

“Spider, do you miss Hydra?” Natasha finally breaks the silence. Spider pauses, setting the spoon back down in the bowl. He has to think about it for a minute. 

“I miss things being simple. There’s a lot of confusing things here, and a lot of what I knew is wrong, and it’s hard realizing just how much I don’t understand. I don’t like how everything is so different, really. It’s a good different, but it’s hard to deal with so much at once, you know? But it’s better, so, so much better, so… I wouldn’t say I miss Hydra. I don’t miss them at all. But I do miss understanding what was expected of me and what the rules were and what things were like. I get so many stupid things wrong here, but at Hydra I understood everything. I still like it better here though. I’ll take confusion over the chair any day.” Spider relaxes his grip on the spoon. He bent it nearly to snapping, but no one yells at him, so he hopes he won’t be punished for it. 

“Hmm…” Natasha nods. “Are you going to pick a real name? Other than Spider?” 

“I think I want to, yea. I don’t like being called Spider.” 

“I thought he might help us when we go through baby name registries, we look for our pup, he looks for himself, you know?” Tony looks to Pepper.

“I think that’s a great idea. Why don’t you two do that tomorrow? The sooner I can stop calling you Spider, the better. I’ve got an office day, so I’ll be around if you have any good ideas for our pup, Tony.” 

“Do you know what you’re looking for, Spider?” Natasha asks, smiling slightly.

“A… a name?” He frowns. They did say that, didn’t they? He’s sure they did. Does she have hearing problems like Hawkeye does? 

“I mean what kind of name. Any letters you want it to start with? Length? That kind of thing. There’s a lot of names out there, so it helps to have some idea before you start. Like when I pick aliases, I keep them around the same vein as Natasha. It makes it easier to respond to, and makes picking one easier.”

“Oh. I don’t. Not really. What’s a good letter to start with?”

“Any of them work, really.” 

“Oh… well...”

“You don’t have to pick one now, Spider. Think about it overnight, if you want, or just start wherever you get drawn to tomorrow.” Pepper pats his shoulder. 

“Okay.” He really should pick somewhere to start though. He’ll get so overwhelmed if he doesn’t. So… he needs to pick his favorite letter. Or a letter he wants his name to start with. 

A favorite. He never really considered having a favorite anything. He never had a choice in anything, he never had something he could call his, so there was never a need to pick a favorite. Nor even a real point to it. If he had a favorite thing, then it’d hurt when it was taken away. It was easier not to pick. 

But he can have a favorite now. He can have a name, and a favorite letter, and favorite color, and a favorite piece of clothing. That’s exciting. Right? He thinks it is.   
It should be, at least. But… if he’s being honest… it’s scary. What if he picks wrong? What if they don’t like his pick? What if he can’t pick one? There are too many choices here. Too many new things and changes and strangeness and - 

“Can I go to my room?” He chokes out. 

“Of course. Are you feeling sick?” Pepper frowns. 

“No.” Yes. But not like she’s asking. “Just really tired.” 

“Oh. Okay. Go ahead then.” She lets his lie slide, but he can tell she notices. He’s got a feeling it’s hard to lie to Pepper, or Natasha for that matter. Tricking Tony would be easy though. He’s too trusting. 

Spider goes back to his bedroom, turning off the lights and closing the curtains. The light hurts his eyes right now. Everything hurts right now. Everything is too loud, too bright, to rough, too much, and he can’t breathe, why can’t he breathe, was the soup poisoned? No, no they haven’t poisoned him yet, so he doubts they would now, but he can’t breathe and his hearts racing and he’s - he’s crying even as he curls up with his Captain America bear and hides his face in the nice pillow they gave him. He needs to be quiet, can’t make a fuss, can’t bother anyone. 

The door opens, the light hurting even with Spider’s eyes closed. It closes quickly though, light steps coming closer. He recognizes the scent, not mint and lemon like Pepper or smokey and sweet like Tony’s. Gunpowder and that warm heat he can’t name. 

Natasha. 

“What’s that warm thing in your scent? I can’t name it.” He whispers, voice cracking just a little. He’s hoping if he distracts her, maybe she won’t ask him to take his face out of the pillow. Then she won’t see his tears and he’ll be okay and she won’t punish him. 

“Clove. Gunpowder and clove. It’s a spice.” She sounds like she’s smiling. That’s good, then she’s not mad. “You got overwhelmed.” It’s not a question, but he answers anyway. 

“Talking about it made me realize just how different things are. And… and then I have to pick favorites and make a big decision and - “ He sobs again. “It’s too much.”

Natasha stays quiet for a bit, let’s him cry it out a little, before she says, “When I first left the KGB, I was overwhelmed too. Clint was sent to kill me, but he made a different call. He brought me to his home. I met his wife and she was so nice to me. I didn’t trust it, thought she was going to kill me and was a spy. It took me weeks to realize I wasn’t in danger there. And when they started telling me things about the world, and how the world I knew was so wrong, I… I called them liars. Threw a knife at Clint’s head and ran away for a little.”

“You went back though.”

“Yea.”

“Why?” Spider turns his head, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. 

“Because no matter how confusing or scary it all was, no matter how out of control I felt even when I finally had control of my own life, it was better. I won’t say I trust you Spider. I don’t trust easily. But I’m not waiting for you to stab us in the back anymore, because… You’re exactly where I was at. And no matter how much I hated Clint and Laura for making things so messed up, I wouldn’t have hurt them for the world.”

“They were the first people that didn’t hurt you.” Spider nods. 

“Exactly.” She nods. Spider can still see her, even in the dark. His senses are strong enough, and he’s used to being in the dark more often than not anyways. He’s not sure she can see him, though. He hopes she can’t, at least. 

“How’d you deal with it? With all the changes?” 

“Well… It took time. A long time and I’m still not used to a ton of things. I still don’t fully trust Jarvis, just because he’s watching all the time. I still don’t understand that I’m not a monster for what they made me do, no matter how many times Clint and Laura tell me that. But you get used to it.” 

“I wasn’t a spy, you know. I never had reason to know about the world. Beyond languages, but that was just so I could communicate with different Hydra strike teams. I don’t… I don’t know what mates are. I didn’t get what mothers were, and I had no idea things like omegas and alphas existed. I still don’t really get it.” 

“You can always ask Jarvis to explain these things to you, you know. Just ask him and he’ll tell you whatever you want to know. No matter how silly you think the question is, or how basic, he’ll tell you.”

“Will Tony know I asked?”

“Nope.” 

“Oh. Okay. I…Thanks.” He smiles a little. “You’re an alpha, right? And Pepper is one too?” 

“Yea. Why do you ask?”

“I’m trying to figure out the differences. Beyond just pregnancy like Bruce told me.” He shrugs. “But alphas have sharper scents, so I’m going off that.”

“We tend to have a bit of musk or deeper scent too, while omegas tend to smell lighter and sweeter.” 

“Okay. What do I smell like?” 

“Your scent is still off. You presented so recently and you’ve been under a lot of distress. It probably won’t be really clear for another week or two. Ask me then.” 

“Okay.” Spider frowns, just slightly disappointed. “Natasha? What’s your favorite letter?” 

“Hmm… I think L is my favorite. Why? Trying to steal mine?” She nudges him slightly. 

“No, just curious.” He giggles. 

“Hmm… Alright. You get some sleep, маленький паук, okay?” 

“Mkay. Thanks Natasha.” Spider sighs, letting her tuck the soft blankets over his shoulder. 

“Of course. And no stealing my letter, got it?” She winks, leaving him in the comforting darkness. 

He falls asleep still giggling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly filler. I'm still not hugely happy with this chapter, I feel like it's rushed or something, but I just wanted to get it over with when I first wrote it. There are only so many times you can look at something before you go crazy and i think I passed that two days ago when I spent an hour trying to edit it. So here you go, enjoy i guess?
> 
> TW: none.

When Spider heads out for breakfast the next morning, he announces rather proudly to Pepper and Tony, “My favorite letter is P.” 

“Really?” Pepper sets down her tablet. “That’s a great letter Spider.” 

“Thank you.” He beams, sitting down in front of… “Fruit?” 

“Yep. The fresh stuff too, not the fruit cup. Though you can still have those if you want.” Tony hurries to add, looking up to find a chunk of yellow fruit already half in Spider’s mouth. “Pill first, kid, we don’t need you throwing up again!” 

He swallows the pill, before devouring the fruit. It’s even better than the fruit cup the Doctor gave him back then, and he doesn’t even throw up! The yellow fruit burns a little, and the orange one is sharp, and the round purple one is sweet and fun to eat. 

“I like this one the best,” he decides, holding up the purple one. 

“That’s a grape. The yellow one is pineapple, then there are the orange slices, and you’ve got some cantaloupe in there too.” Pepper says. “I’m glad you like the grapes, we have a whole bushel in the fridge that Tony refuses to eat. Have as many of them as you like.” 

“Really? Thanks!”

“Listen, I don’t refuse to eat them, I just don’t like them, there’s a difference, okay?”

“Do you also not like every other fruit I put in front of you?” 

“I’m being attacked by my own mate, can you believe this,” Tony rolls his eyes, winking at Spider. “Do you know how many greens go into my smoothies? Why don’t I get credit for that?” 

“Because those smoothies barely count as edible, Tony. I’m pretty sure Dum-E gets motor oil in them half the time anyway.”

“Motor oil?” Spider wrinkles his nose. “That tastes terrible.”

“You know I thought this was supposed to be a nice family breakfast. I guess I missed the Attack Tony’s Life Choices memo,” Tony pouts, crossing his arms. Pepper laughs, getting up to kiss his head. 

“If I wanted to make fun of your life choices, I’d start with peeing in the suit in front of hundreds of people, not the smoothies.”

“I was drunk! And dying!” 

“And I got it on video.” Pepper presses a kiss to Tony’s lips. He sighs into it, relaxing immediately. Even after the elevator closes behind her, Tony’s staring at it with a stupid look in his eyes. 

“She’s got you wrapped around her finger, huh?” Spider giggles. 

“What? No! No, I have her wrapped around my finger, thank you very much. Now come on, we’ve got a name to find!” The two move over to the couch, where Jarvis pulls up a hologram with a couple of baby name registry site. 

Spider starts with the P names, turning the setting to boy names and hitting search.

26 pages of individual names show up. 

“That’s a… that’s a lot.” He pulls his knees to his chest, staring in slight horror at the overwhelming number of them. Prometheus, Platya, Phineas, Peregryn, so many names, half of them just different spellings of the same damn one, just made to look confusing! 

“How do you think I feel? I don’t even know what gender my pup will be!” Tony lets out a weak laugh, still staring at the home page of his site. “I wanted to wait to do this for our pup, but Pep said that I’ll take the next seven months to decide. She’s probably right, really.” 

“Machines are easier to name.” 

“Right? I didn’t even come up with Iron Man, the media did. It was just the Get Out of Afghanistan Free card for me.” 

“I didn’t know you were in Afghanistan.” Spider frowned. He never received a full briefing on Iron Man. He just saw the footage of the suits and then the basic breakdown of his strengths and weaknesses as an enemy. That’s all he ever got for a target or potential enemy. Only the information needed to kill them. 

“Prisoner of war for a while. Old family friend paid some asshats to kill me, they decided to keep me and make me build them a missile. I built Mach 1 of the suit instead. Wouldn’t say it was my best work, but to be fair to me, I built it out of scraps and in a cave, so… It worked, didn’t it?” Tony shrugs, a pained smile on his face.

“Did you invent the arc reactor there too?” The arc reactor powers the suit, so if the first one was made in the cave, then the first arc reactor must have been too, right?

“The first mini one, yea. There was a big one but it was barely efficient. Sort of blew it up later. You know how it is, bad guy wants to kill you, you kill the bad guy by frying him with a beam of concentrated energy.” 

“A typical Saturday night.” 

“Exactly.” Tony laughs, almost desperately. He sobers up quickly, staring off to the side as he continues.“I got PTSD from the whole disaster, and after my soiree into space it got worse. A lot worse. But Pepper and the team helped me out. Captain America becomes a lot less awful when you realize he’s entirely different than the PTSD stricken Steve Rogers. You know?”

“Not really. What’s PTSD?”

“When your trauma follows you home. When you can’t escape the fear of it even when you’re safe in your bed with your mate and forty two high tech suits in your basement ready to defend you.” Tony shudders. “I just hope you don’t wind up getting it from all you went to. You don’t need that.” 

“I’m sorry, Tony.” Spider reaches out to hold Tony’s hand. He likes it when someone does that for him when he’s scared or stressed, so he’ll do that for Tony too. It seems like the right thing to do. 

And it is. Tony holds his hand tight, though it doesn’t actually hurt him. After a few minutes of squeezing Spider’s hand and taking shaky breaths, Tony shakes his head and looks back up with a smile they both pretend isn’t shaky as hell. 

“Ready to get to work?”

“Sure.”

“Alright. Let’s start narrowing down your options a bit more. Got a language you want your name to be in?”

“English.” That’s the language Pepper and Tony and Bruce and Natasha speak. That’s the language of his new home, his new, safe, home. 

“Alrighty. Got an idea of how many syllables?” 

“Um… no.” Spider’s not actually sure what syllables are. He’ll ask Jarvis later. He spent most of this morning asking Jarvis questions. A nightmare woke him up at three, and he couldn’t go back to sleep. It was a good use of time in the end. 

Though he hadn’t looked up Tony or Pepper, or any of the others he’d met. He didn’t want to read about them from a file or a briefing, he wanted to get to know who they really were. He’s really glad he didn’t look them up now, glad he heard Tony’s side of his kidnapping instead of the media’s report on it. 

“Alright, this should be a good enough start… Yep! Only three pages now. Why don’t you read through it a couple of times, see what you like, okay?” 

“Okay.” Spider nods. Three pages. He can do three pages. 

He reads all the names over, mentally crossing most of them off the list. Poet is a weird name, and Peace would just be hypocritical. Patton just sounds wrong, and for whatever reason Pierce brings up a deep sense of anger. 

“I like Parker, but I don’t really want to be called it.” Spider hums. 

“Parker could make a good last name. I was just going to offer Stark, but I mean, you’re probably less likely to get bad attention with a different last name.” Tony shrugs. 

“I don’t want attention.” Attention means that Hydra might find him, and he doesn’t want that. He can’t have that. 

“Okay, so maybe Parker could be your last name. Any others you like?” 

“Um… No. Not really.” He frowns. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay, we’ll just try a different search. How about we look at popular names right now? That might give you something a little less weird sounding than some of these, yea?”

“Sure.” He doesn’t want weird. He doesn’t even really want unique. He just wants something other than Spider.

“Here, most common names for boys. Go nuts,” Tony nods to the screen, grinning.

Once again, Spider starts scrolling. Most of them don’t start with P on the list, but he doesn’t mind a few of them. Miles is nice, and he loves Benjamin, but then…

“Peter!” He gasps. 

“Found something?”

“Yea! I like… I like Peter. I like that a lot. But I also like Benjamin…”

“How about… Peter Benjamin Parker? Now that’s a pretty snazzy name, don’t you think?” Tony taps his chin, grinning wide. 

“I love it.” Spider laughs, bouncing slightly in his seat. “Can that be my name? Can I - can I not be Spider anymore?”

“Of course. Peter. That was easier than I thought it’d be you know…”

“Peter Benjamin Parker.” Spider - no - Peter whispers to himself. “Peter Benjamin Parker. That’s my name now.”

“Yes it is. Jarvis, can you get started on some documents for Peter? And tell Pepper?”

“Certainly sir. Welcome to the tower, Peter.” Jarvis says. Peter can almost hear a smile in the AI’s voice.

“Peter Benjamin Parker.” He sighs, relaxing into the couch with a soft smile on his face. “That’s my name now. I… I have a name now.” 

He’s not Hydra’s anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh thank fuck i no longer have to call him Spider, do you know how difficult it was to remember that when writing this?? Ugh. ;) Hope this didn't suck as much as I thought it would. Only two chapters to go before this part is over!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnndddddd here we start seeing how much I've decided "you know what? canon sucks and timelines are stupid anyways" and just threw Dr. Strange and Wanda in there because I wanted to and you know what? I think that's very cool of me. Also, I just wanted to say that this particular portion of the story (aka this chapter and the next) are just fluff. I know some people have been speculating on a kidnapping and bracing themselves for angst, but don't worry, these last two chapters are just sweet fluffy found families. 
> 
> The next part of the Spider Project series, however....... :3 
> 
> TW: none

That night, Peter decides it’s time to meet the other Avengers. He’s got a name now, and he can eat at least a light meal without throwing up, so he wants to meet them. It only seems right, he is staying with them now. He’s met most of them anyway, even if it was only briefly. He needs to meet them. 

That doesn’t mean it’s not terrifying. Because what if - what if they try to kill him? He’ll defend himself, he’ll have to, but that’ll mean getting violent, and then Tony will kick him out of the tower, and if he leaves the tower than Hydra will definitely find him and he just… he can’t go back to Hydra. Going back at this point would mean death, and he doesn’t… he doesn’t want to die. 

Peter had thought about it before. Dying. On particularly hard days, when even after leaving the lab or training he was still in horrible pain, or when he’d just killed someone he really didn’t want to like a - like a child, then… he’d think about it. About killing himself. He never tried, though. 

Bucky said that they had to keep surviving. Both of them had to survive, because if they didn’t, if they died, then they’d never be able to repent and fix the wrongs they’d done. At the time, Peter hadn’t understood what about what they were doing was wrong, but Bucky had been so adamant that they had to survive that he became that determined too. No matter how much it hurt, he had to keep going.

So he did. Even when he didn’t want to, he did. 

Which is why he needs to meet the Avengers and make sure he isn’t in danger here. This tower… it’s the only place he isn’t in danger right now. He needs to keep it.

“Pepper can’t join us, some media scandal broke and she has to have a press conference to smooth it over. Couldn’t tell you what the scandal is, honestly, they are usually my fault but I haven’t actually done anything in the mast month. Well, other than getting knocked up, but that’s still a secret. Probably just something with a board member sexually harassing an omega again.” Tony shrugs. “Poor guy. Pepper’ll sic Nat on him after she’s handled ruining his career. It’s happened once already, and boy was that a messy crime scene.” 

“She’s a Widow, she should know better than to leave a mess.” Peter frowns.

“Well when you’re trying to make it look like a robbery gone bad, a mess is preferred. Frankly she’s much too good at it and I really don’t want to know how many assholes she’s killed and covered up.” 

“Depends on whether you are counting her KGB kills too. Those wouldn’t be made to look like robbery’s though.” 

“Good point, one I am not going to look into.” Tony laughs. “Jarvis take us up to the common floor.”

“Yes sir. Shall I inform them that Mr. Parker will be joining?” 

“Yes please.” 

“I’m still not used to that.” Peter takes a deep breath, forcing his shoulder away from his ears. 

“Give it some time. Now brace yourself, there’s an eighty percent chance there’s an argument already going on, and these fuckers get loud.” The elevator door opens, and an onslaught of noise hits Peter’s sensitive ears. He slams his hands over them, unable to fight back a pained whine.

Tony adds his hands over Peter’s, before shouting, “Everyone shut up! Peter doesn’t like loud noises, so keep it the hell down.” 

“Whoops, made him mad,” Hawkeye mutters, though even with his hands still over his ears Peter can still hear him. 

“Hey, Tony. Welcome, Spider,” Captain America, Steve, steps around the counter to the kitchen, a basket in hand.

“It’s Peter now,” Peter whispers. He only half steps behind Tony, which he considers to be an accomplishment. The Captain scares him. And still makes him mad, which leads to the frustrating combination of wanting to stab him while also wanting to hide in his room and never come out. 

“Oh. Well, Peter, you want the last breadstick? These dumbasses were fighting over it so you’re a good tiebreaker,” Steve glares back at Bucky, Hawkeye, and the Black Falcon. 

“He already had three, I just wanted two!” Bucky scowls at Hawkeye. “Is that too much to ask?”

“At least you had one, I didn’t have any!” Falcon says.

“That’s what you get for being late to dinner,” Hawkeye says.

“You are both children,” Natasha grabs Clint’s wrist, dragging him through an entryway into what looks like a dining room. “And you are still eating your salad.”

“Aww…”

“What do you say, Peter, want the breadstick? They are damn good, we order them from Olive Garden itself.” Tony nudges Peter until he’s by his side, not allowing him to hide from Steve. 

“Okay…” He takes the single breadstick from the basket, smiling slightly. “Thanks.”

“Of course. Come on, everything’s already out and if we don’t get there soon you know there won’t be anything left.” Steve turns and leads the way into the, already loud again, dining room. 

“Here,” Tony passes Peter his pill, which he swallows dry before starting to nibble on the bread. 

He decides he really, really, really likes bread. Especially this bread. No wonder they were fighting over who got the last one! 

At the table, Peter sits between Tony and the Scarlet Witch in the closest seats to the door. She seems to share his same apprehensions to the noise as he does, glancing at the doorway a few times, almost like she’s checking that she can still get out if she needs to. Natasha sits across from him, with Clint by her side and Bruce at the head of the table. Steve’s at the other end, with Bucky to his left and Falcon on his right. The space next to him is empty, which Tony whispers is because the wizard didn’t deign to show up. He’s not quite sure what that means, but he doesn’t ask. 

The table is covered in massive bowls of pasta, pitchers of sauce and bowls of cheese scattered between a heaping bowl of salad, a couple plates of vegetables, and a bowl full of hundreds of meatballs. Steve and Bucky split one huge bowl of pasta and at least half the meatballs between them, but even then they look like they are waiting for everyone else to take a portion before they grab more. It’s kind of funny, really. 

Tony fills Peter’s plate with a small bit of pasta without sauce, “to start” as he says. He looks kind of guilty that he only gives Peter such a small amount, but Peter’s grateful. If he doesn’t have a lot, then he doesn’t have to feel guilty about wasting food if he can’t finish it all. He already had a breadstick after all, and he’s still mostly unused to real food.

“I’m Wanda, it’s a pleasure to meet you Peter,” Scarlet Witch says, once things calm down a bit. 

“Oh, uh… you too.” That’s what he’s supposed to say, right? Even though he doesn’t really think it’s a pleasure. He’s not sure about her yet. The Scarlet Witch is a high-level threat. She's enhanced, but not just enhanced like Peter, Steve, and Bucky are with heightened levels of already present abilities, like senses or strength. She has entirely new skills. A normal human can’t control things with their minds, after all.

She, Dr. Strange, and any others enhanced to do unnatural things like that are Level eights, but enhanced people like Steve and Bucky are Level sevens. Peter is a Level seven and… and that means she’s a threat to him. He can handle Bucky, and assuming Steve has the same fighting strength at Bucky then he can handle him too. 

But Wanda? Dr. Strange? Hulk? He might win, but… it’s far from guaranteed. They are threats. 

It’s hard to think that sometimes though. Like when Bruce and Tony start debating what fabric would work best to make pants that stretch enough for the Hulk while still being wearable by Bruce Banner. Or when Natasha and Wanda start planning a spa day to get their nails done. Or when Dr. Strange portals in, thoroughly scaring the shit out of Peter, only for him to get hit in the face by a perfectly aimed meatball that was meant for Falcon. 

“Why do I bother eating with you imbeciles?” He sighs, sitting down in the empty chair. “Hello Peter, glad to see you join us.” 

“Um, yea.” Peter frowns. He’s pretty sure Strange hadn’t heard his name, so he’s not sure how he’s know it was Peter not Spider now.

“Just so you know Peter, that’s Clint and Sam. You should use their names rather than Hawkeye and Falcon,” Wanda whispers. 

“You read my mind.” His hand goes to his thigh, only to find the lack of a knife. The fact he’s probably the only unarmed person at this table makes his skin itch. He can handle himself without a weapon, sure. He just hates to. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t always help it.”

“Don’t do it again.” 

“I will do my best.” 

“You okay, kid?” Tony glances over from his argument with Strange, something about how for a guy with the Time Stone he’s late an awful lot. 

“Fine.” Not really. But he doesn’t want to make Tony worry. 

“Okay…. How’s the pasta?”

“Good.” Right, he should be eating. He keeps forgetting he needs to actually do that when given food now. 

“So, Peter… Hydra huh?” Clint smirks. 

Peter pulls back into himself, suddenly much more nauseous than he had been. He’d been expecting the question, obviously. Of course it’d come up. He could practically smell the curiosity in the room, amid the swirling mess of scents. That didn’t mean he was looking forward to it.

“Clint!” Natasha punches his arm, hard enough Clint yelps in pain. 

“What? You can’t expect me to not bring it up! What if he’s a sleeper agent, Nat? What if he’s going to kill us in our sleep?”

“You didn’t think that when I cam here.” Bucky drawls.

“You’d already been out and about for a while before Steve here got to you, I figured if you were going to kill us, you’d have come right here, you know?” Clint rolls his eyes. “Come on, I’m not saying he shouldn’t be here, I’m just saying I want to know if we’re safe!” 

“I won’t hurt you if you don’t hurt me.” Peter whispers into his knees, curling into his seat. 

“That’s reassuring.” Sam snorts, quiet, but loud and clear to Peter. 

“Guys,” Steve sighs. “He’s a kid, let it go.” 

“Again, not saying we give a kid back to Hydra, just wondering if he should be free to roam, okay, stop looking at me like I’m a shit person!” Clint groans. “Nat, you thought it too and I know you did!” 

“And then I met the damn kid! Did you think I was going to stab you when you saved me?”

“Yea, actually! I just didn’t care because you needed help and I was going to give it to you,” Clint scowls. 

“Clint. Peter will not hurt us.” Wanda says, her voice strong and clear even though she didn’t raise it at all. “He will protect himself if under attack, just like we all would too, but he will not hurt anyone.” She looks down at Peter with a slightly apologetic look. She read his mind again. He’s not too mad about it at the moment, not if it gets everyone to relax a bit.

“Anyways, if you’re worried about him hurting you, then you can get out because he’s not going in a cell.” Tony shrugs, a mask of casual ease hiding how easy he’s ready to jump into a fight. 

“Peter will be allowed to roam Tony’s floor and the common floors, and that’s final. We won’t be discussing the matter of whether or not he’s still loyal to Hydra again, because he isn’t. Is that clear?” Steve says, in full Captain America mode. 

“Sure, yea, whatever,” Clint sighs, slumping in his seat. 

“I promise. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.” He whispers, taking Tony’s offered hand with a grateful sigh. “I promise.” 

“We know, Peter,” Bucky leans forward to smile at him. Peter shrinks back until Tony’s shoulder blocks him. He’s still not sure how he feels about Bucky and Steve yet.   
They’ve been nothing but nice, and he understands why Bucky would leave him for Steve, really, he does. They love each other just like Pepper and Tony love each other, and Bucky was so determined to get out and start fixing some of the damage he’d done. They put him in the chair so many times, anyway, he can’t blame him for wanting to escape the pain. 

But… but Bucky leaving meant he got hurt, and - and he was the only person who was ever genuinely nice to him, not because they wanted something from him like the Doctor. He was the only one who understood. And still, he left. 

It’s hard not to feel resentment at that, no matter how much he understands why Bucky did it. 

Dinner ends without much more fuss, half the people shifting to the living room for “team movie night,” while the other half leave or start washing dishes. 

“Must I stay for movie night?” Dr. Strange sighs. 

“Sit your Harry Potter ass down or help us clean up,” Sam scowls. Strange scowls right back, before making a weird glowing symbol in the air. 

The dishes start washing themselves. 

“Whoa!” Peter gasps. “How’d you do that? Is that really magic? That’s so cool! What else can you do?” He rushes over to Strange’s side, studying his scarred hands. “Is there tech involved? There’s got to be tech, right? But how’d you get the dishes to move then?” 

“No silly gadgets like Stark relies on. Just me.” Strange sighs, but Peter catches the affectionate softness to his deep scent. Deep, like Natasha said, so alpha then. Now that people are spreading out, he can start trying to pick their individual scents, start memorizing them. Scents might be an even better way to know who’s coming than footsteps and breath after all. Less likely to be confused with someone else, and that means he’ll be more prepared in case of a surprise attack.

“How’d you learn to do that? Can I do it?”  
“  
I read a bunch of books and studied for an awfully long time. If you feel like putting in the hours, technically you probably can.” 

“Cool…” 

Strange leaves for the living room along with Sam and the other dishwashers. A movie has already started playing, something with a red demon baby and a fish guy. Peter hovers behind the counter, though, unsure what to do. Is he supposed to join? Strange said it was team movie night, and he’s not an Avenger, so he should probably go, right?

“Hey, Peter.” Peter turns, to find Clint rubbing his neck and blushing down at the floor. “Just uh… just wanted to say I’m sorry. For dinner. I didn’t mean to be rude, I just… You know. You get protective over the people you love and all.” 

“It’s okay.” He frowns. He’s not sure what you are supposed to do with an apology, but he doesn’t like seeing Clint look so uncomfortable. It’s making him uncomfortable, and he was just about to leave. He doesn’t like getting plans interrupted. 

“Yea, well, uh… cool. Yea.” Clint nods once, twice, before running off to the living room where he throws himself into Natasha’s lap. 

“Peter! Come join us!” Tony waves over the back of the couch. “Saved you a spot.”

“Right…” He goes to sit on the couch, between Tony and Bruce. He doesn’t pay attention to the movie, he’s too tired, and his stomach’s cramping after eating which is quite literally a pain. 

Instead, he leans against Tony’s shoulder, letting the man run his fingers through his curls. 

He falls asleep like that, oblivious to the soft looks everyone around him is giving.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are all so sweet with asking for more updates, and its honestly making this twice a week schedule so difficult to upkeep. I'm keeping to it though. Gotta keep yall waiting ;) This is the last chapter of the section, and let me tell you it was so nice to write. I'd been dying to write Bucky and Peter making up, and I think i did it justice. Let me know whether it met your expectations!
> 
> TW: Discussions of the chair, non-graphic descriptions of medical trauma.

Peter wakes up choking back screams, for the fifth night in a row. Its already his fourth week at the Tower, that he’s aware of, that is, and really, things are going well. He goes to team dinners and movie nights where he’s welcomed with open arms, he works out in the gym with Tony and Natasha and Wanda, and he’s slowly becoming more comfortable with Bucky. Natasha is awesome to spar with, she’s a real challenge to win against, and he’s been itching for a challenge since Bucky left. He’s even making progress in the lab, working on building a different suit for him to wear in a fight, one that actually protects him. One that isn’t Hydra’s. 

But he can’t stop the nightmares. They come for him every night, the Doctor slipping into his bed and petting his hair, his Handler throwing him back into the chair and laughing at his pain. He wakes up drenched in sweat and crying, clinging to his bear and the blankets he’s started hoarding on his bed. 

Tony wanted Jarvis to tell him when Spider - no, Peter was having nightmares, but Peter told the AI not to. He doesn’t want to bother Tony. He gets so happy when he sees Peter settling in nicely, and he just… he can’t bother him. 

They’re just dreams. That’s what he has to keep telling himself. They’re just dreams. 

Only, they’re not, right? Not really. They’re memories come back to haunt him. It’s not a bad dream that Hydra gets him again, it’s a possibility, a real one. It could happen. Hydra’s a wreck right now, the Avengers still go out every few days to destroy a new base they found. Tony’s made sure they have no resources, and almost every undercover Hydra member in politics or media or whatever have been arrested by now.

But it could still happen. Both the Winter Soldier and Spider are in the same building. That might be worth attacking the building. It’d be a stupid move, Peter’s double-checked the security in this place and it’s airtight. Even the vents are monitored, though Natasha says that’s half because Clint has a habit of getting stuck or doing something stupid in them. 

His nightmares aren’t dreams. They’re promises. Hydra will come for him. It might be years before they have the resources and coordination to do so, but they will, eventually. 

He needs to be prepared. 

Peter climbs out of his bed, leaving the warmth and softness. He can’t waste time with that stuff. He needs to finish his suit, make sure it’s ready and on-call for when Hydra comes. He needs to upgrade the webshooters, create a way to hide more weapons in the streamlined suit he’s building, find a way to hide knives in easy reach, maybe even a gun… 

Most of all, he needs to train. 

“Gym,” his voice cracks as he enters the elevator. “Is anyone else there?”

“Mr. Barnes and Mr. Rogers are currently sparing. Would you like me to inform them you’ll be joining?” 

“No thank you.” The elevator stops with a ding, and Peter steps out. 

The Avenger’s gym is amazing. There’s a sparring ring, machines, and weights designed for people with enhanced strength. An aerial obstacle course for the fliers, which Peter’s been enjoying taking advantage of, even gymnastics equipment for Natasha, and apparently Steve too. Down the hall is a firing range for guns and arrows and whatever else these guys can find to shoot, and an entire room with battle simulations that learn from your attacks. The same room can be used for an obstacle course or a maze. Peter’s been dying to check the sims out, but Tony’s been hesitant for whatever reason. 

Bucky and Steve are in the middle of the ring swinging fists and feet at each other. They’re fairly evenly matched, though Bucky does have the unfair advantage of a metal arm even without weapons being allowed. Still, Peter’s always thought Steve was better at defense than offense. 

Guess all that practice getting beat up in alleyways came in handy. 

“Peter,” Steve turns from the fight, getting a heavy kick between the shoulder blades for his distraction. “Hey!” 

“You didn’t call the fight, dumbass,” Bucky shrugs. They’re both smiling, but Peter can see the strain. 

“It’s real late, kid, shouldn’t you be in bed?” Steve turns back to him. 

“Shouldn’t you?”

“Nightmares.” 

“Same.”

“Sorry.” Bucky frowns. Peter shrugs. Not much any of them can do about it. “Want to spar?”

“What, did you miss me kicking your ass?” Peter smirks. 

“Oh, is that how it’s going to be? You know, I gave as good as I got.” Bucky full-on laughs. Steve gives his mate a soft smile, rubbing his shoulder before hopping out of the ring. 

“Go get ‘em, son,” Steve holds the rope up for Peter to slip under. “Wrap your knuckles.” 

“They’ll heal fine.” 

“Just do what the dad says, he’s a stickler for that shit.” Bucky rolls his eyes, passing Peter some wrap. “No weapons, alright? I’ve gotten enough knives in the side from you to know better.” 

“Hey, I don’t even have one on me!” 

“Bullshit.” 

“No, really,” Peter frowns. “Tony won’t let me.” Bucky looks at him for a minute, a furrow in his brow. 

“Steve, can you grab me a knife? Nothing too big.” He turns to Steve. After a quick jog to the wall of weapons, Steve comes back with a knife about the length of his hand, still in its plain sheath. Easy enough to hide under a pillow or in a boot. 

“Here.” Bucky passes him the thing.

“I don’t think Tony wants me to have a weapon.” Peter clutches the knife so tight he’d definitely be cutting himself if it wasn’t sheathed. Having a weapon again… so much anxiety he hadn’t realized he’d been carrying, especially after his nightmare, fade away. He could manage himself without one, sure, but a blade means he can protect himself a hundred times better. If Hydra comes after him, he’d need a weapon. 

“Fuck Tony. You need something to make you feel safe and like you can defend yourself, or you’re never going to be able to relax,” Steve shrugs. “Bucky was the same. He still goes batshit if he loses his gun.” 

“Language,” Bucky smirks. Steve flips him off. “Still don’t know where that came from, you know. You had the worst mouth in all ‘a Brooklyn. They do remember you were in the army, right?” 

“Half the time I don’t think they remember I’m a person, Buck.” 

“Ain’t that a mood.” Bucky snorts. “Come on, Pete. Been two years, I want to see how you’ve done.” 

“I do believe I beat your ass while in the middle of presenting you know,” Peter laughs. 

“You were activated, doesn’t count.” 

“Alright then.” Peter shrugs, tucking the knife away before launching himself at Bucky. He almost lands a heavy kick to his sternum, but Bucky catches his foot. 

“Oh come on, you can do - oof,” Bucky gasps as Peter uses the leverage of the metal arm’s grip to swing up around his neck to yank him to the ground. Bucky throws him off easily, both of them back on their feet and back to blows within seconds. 

The fight continues for a few more minutes before Peter yanks the metal arm out of alignment and put Bucky in a hold that gives him enough control to say he’s won the fight, even with his smaller stature.

“Why do you always have to go for the fucking arm?” Bucky grumbles. Peter laughs, helping him pop the thing back in place. 

“Because it’s your best weapon, duh. Does it still hurt?”

“Always. Tony said he’d take a look at a new model, but he’s been stalling, I think. He’s still kind of mad about his mom.” 

“What happened to his mom?” Peter frowns, already opening the compartment on Bucky’s shoulder to look at the wiring. Hydra always gave him second-hand wires to work on the shoulder, so they’d tend to fray or have the coating wear off with repetitive motion. It’d cause sparks or little shocks that’d make even small movements hurt. Without him fixing it every six months like he used to, the wires are a mess in there, and the gears are all grating on each other. No wonder it hurts.

“She was a mission. And his dad, but Howard was a dick to him.” 

“Once we dumped Hydra’s files after taking down Shield I found the record and showed it to Tony. He was pissed as hell, wouldn’t talk to me for a long time because I was still looking for Buck. He came around, after realizing what being activated actually meant and what he went through, but just because they get along, doesn’t mean he’s always eager to help, you know? Especially when the arm he’s supposed to fix was the one who choked his mom.” Steve sighs, leaning on the ropes. 

“I’ll get started on a new model. My suit can wait now that I have a weapon. Can you come down for measurements later? Also, if you have any ideas you’d like to change it, I want those too. Ideally, we’d do a surgery to get it implanted in a less painful way, having it wrapped around your spine will be painful no matter how light it is, but I doubt you want that.”

“No surgery. I won’t do surgery.” Bucky hurries to say, taking a deep breath. He reaches for Steve’s hand with his flesh one. Peter pretends not to notice. 

“I know. I’ll find a way to make it lighter to ease the strain on your back, maybe I can find a way to adjust the socket without requiring surgery to cause less pain. They did a dreadful job with it, they probably purposefully made it a rough job, because even in the forties they could have made this much less… this.” Peter gestures to the knotwork of scars and forever inflamed flesh around the metal socket. 

“I wasn’t even put under anesthesia,” Bucky whispers, voice cracking. Peter nods, closing the compartment before Bucky freaks out too bad.

“Anesthesia was hard to come by in the war, but even if they had it, I’m not surprised they didn’t give you any.” He’s been watching documentaries, trying to understand more of Bucky’s life. He knew so little about him, because Bucky knew so little about himself. If Hydra was going to erase the old Bucky Barnes from him, then Peter would make sure he wasn’t completely forgotten. 

“Yea.” 

“I’ll fix the wires later.” 

“Thanks, Peter,” Bucky gives him a weak smile. “Peter, I… I’m…” He sighs, scrubbing his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“For… for just leaving you. I should have tried to come back for you. I knew where you were, I knew that you needed help I just… I was too afraid to go back there. Even after I was with the Avengers, I couldn’t… I guess… I think I was just too guilty to talk about it. I failed you and I… I’m sorry.” 

“They put me in the chair.” Peter sits back on his feet, staring at Bucky. Both he and Steve look up in horror. “They put me in the chair. Four sessions, then another two after I asked about you.” 

“I didn’t… fuck, Peter, they never put you in the chair I didn’t - I didn’t think they’d - full sessions?” Bucky swallows hard. 

“Yes. They were trying to erase you, but they couldn’t do it. My brain healed even as they wiped me, so it never worked. They realized after the second that wiping me was actually impossible. The last two were to punish me.” Peter shrugs. 

“I didn’t think they would, Peter, please, believe me. I knew they’d punish you, but… they’d never tried wiping you. If I’d known they would then I’d…” Bucky sighs. 

“You still wouldn’t have come for me. It’s okay. I didn’t blame you. I wasn’t mad. I’m still not mad. You found your Steve. I can’t be mad at you for staying with him. I just…” Peter clenches his hands, releases them, tries again. “It just hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Peter. I’m so, so sorry. I won’t leave you again. Okay? I promise I won’t let them hurt you again.” Bucky reaches out, takes his hand, in the metal one. The one that Peter’s always worked on, the one that Bucky would let him fix without struggling or needing to be strapped down like with every technician whoever tried. So many of them died before they just let Peter work on it exclusively. It’s a sign of their trust. 

“Okay. But if you break that promise, I’m going to stab you.” Peter warns, a slight smile on his face.

“If I break that promise, I’ll let you stab me.” Bucky laughs, tugging Peter into his side. He rests his head on Bucky’s thigh, letting his flesh fingers comb through his hair, his metal one a steady weight on his side. 

“I’m really safe here, right?” Peter looks up at Steve. “Like, really?”

“Of course Peter. You’re safe now. You’re home.” Steve reaches through the rope to squeeze his shoulder. 

“Home…” Peter sighs, curling up close to Bucky. “Yea. Home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And part one is done! I hope you all enjoyed it and that you'll join me for part two of the Spider Project series! Subscibe to the series so you can know exactly when it's released! 
> 
> Coming up next: Peter at 14 as he tries high school for the first time! Oh, and just for funsies, I mixed in the Field Trip trope to that one, because I have a deep love for them and I could. See you guys Tuesday!

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't be afraid to comment!! Keyboard smashes, heart emojis if you wanted to add extra kudos, repeated strings of YES YES YES, versions of "how dare you," guesses and questions, and all comments like these are eagerly welcomed.
> 
> I do not take criticism of any kind, negativity, or suggestions. All three parts of this series are already completed, after all!! Thank you for respecting this.


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